dancing light

i sit in meditation in the dark, the sun set in this very long days evening begun,just arisen from a sleep induced coma of the body from hours of walking in the hot sun at high altitude. living in my van, using the center for its electricity and divine energies. i sit before mothers altar, in the very heart of the center, its beating shakti being, i have been gone for a long while, weeks, and this is loves home, loves deal, i am the truth seeker questioning my motives here, but respectful, prostrating before her, surrendering my self inquiry to her divine love, i sit against the thick wooden wall and bow my head in empty mindfulness. her force is immediate and without reservation, she has been waiting for me and with a loving vengeance comes forth.not since Pondicherry at her ashram, at the mahasamadhi have i felt this power so fully. i am rocked to my core in this energy, the waves of unending transformative love crush my ego and collapse any thought into the elements that once coalesced around me and gave them cohesion. all is the unwrapping and unburdening, like a dinner of many elements on the chopping block, my self is undone, then thrown to the highest regions and fed into the cosmic furnace. i feel giant boxes and containers all white being flushed from my deepest regions like airtight containers popping to the surface of the water then flying high into the sky gone from me, then its as if i am turning inside out from my first chakra upward a constant flow of erupting energies bursting any structures remaining, the buildings i had inhabited were gone in this tsunami of complete churning turning roiling unending. I felt skewered on the energy and twisted round and round from the inside out completely exposing every inner part and stretching the strips of my skin for further and further through the psychic space. I feel sick and giant gas and belching fly from my physical. i am drenched in cold fever.i see the truth of me the protoplasm wrapped around a breathing tube, clinging to lifes meanest existence with tenacious desire, ugly and twisted around the tube sucking air. and in this bent and deformed creature comes the light the fulfilling divinity the force of being so powerful and overwhelming i am unable to breathe but through the divine, all force all impetus all being living in light and majesty all truth pushing into wondrous existence in this loving supreme power. deep in me i feel the upwelling of the waters of being the underground reservoir of being flowing up through me like a river of delight an ocean spreading from my center filling ever thing surrounding and permeating all existence. and this is life, the manifesting being the unending truth the enlightened self, seeing this play of the dance of pure light in matter. all is gone all is done this life no more is empty only the divine sings this heart this soul this one life true and sincere all love in all things , all life filled with the divine light dancing.