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Saturday, April 30, 2011

behind awareness

the world inside on a Saturday morning, the collapse of the days expectations into the realm of the spirit through silent still consciousness. i sit in my loose yet warm apparel as the morning chill at 8am still pervades the house. the mountains outside still frosted with white from last months snows. the temperature at waking at 6am was 24 degrees.
i collapse on my pillows in my small knotty pine room curtains drawn against the morning light. my eyes close and i begin the examination of what is before me, the lights the colors the memories that continually surface across the mind. i feel my thoughts running as an undertone to the experiences of the mind. examining the bright experiences and colors the memories bring i begin to look closely at the field of the mind. i attempt to still the excitement.internally i blink and everything settles, the dancing memories vanish. i see a giant ocean of light filled with bubbles in a huge glass chamber. it stretches across my field of internal vision. then suddenly i see a image jump to one side, i feel the pull of a memory of yesterdays evening meditation, a sudden jump to my returning home tomorrow. a stream of events explodes like wildfire and an emotion stirs like a burnt ocher sweeping across the vision. i suddenly blink internal and consciously banish everything from the mind. it stills again to the ocean filled with bubbles of light in the huge vaulted chamber. I am understanding now, this six dimensional holographic sensory induction transducer is the mind. each bubble a storage for memories, a recorder and an amplifier as waves of excitement come from the senses or the feelings, the tiny bubbles become excited, the one that reaches its peak soonest is quickly amp;lified by all those around it and soon its playing across the entire field, the sense of identification and ownership, the ananda of the attachment to the objects displayed is full and intense. everyone would want to have one of these. I blink internally and banish the existing bubbling visions, the ocean gleams from a million surfaces of quiescent bubbles. i notice there is a line of spoken words underneath the ocean, noting, this is interesting, so thats how this works. these words are not setting off the bubbles. they dont seem to be coming from the mind and are not associated with the experiencer myself that is identified with the mind. it seems to be coming from behind me. i try to pinpoint the occasional words i hear. i imagine these must be like some kind of command line interface to the holographic inducer. a back door that allows for the occasional patch or upgrade. i feel the words coming from the right side of my neck a little below the bend of the chin under the ear.i sense a separate awareness, i feel something strong there and dis attached from what is going on. I am attaining the silence of the mind, pre banishing any input that might set off the bubbles. i suddenly imagine this construct of awareness like a set of interconnected rooms in a odd shaped tower, and as you progress upward the faces and bodies change, i remember seeing my father in a small cubicle that looked like it was a bell tower and i climbed upon him and reached up the door above and enereted a highest room made of knotty pine and a sparkling light shone from every surface.suddenly i am in emptiness, everything is still and as i approach almost physically the spot where i sense this other awareness i feel an almost unnatural stoppage of time. suddenly i grasp the location and sink my fore consciousness into this hind wareness. as i do the entire mind vanishes, the holographic display is gone, the screen empty. i experience a physical pulling from the middle of my face as if every muscle on the right side is pulling ,turning to reach around to the spot where i have seated my awareness. i am grunting with the pressure and effort as slowly i feel my awareness relocate in this spot in my neck, i cough and realize i am i n the exact spot that has been causing this dry cough throughout the entire silent retreat and the week since. here is the seat of unattached awareness, and my meditations have been pushing on it causing irritation and itching in the very tissues where it sits. i sense there is no holographic construct here, i sink instead into an unending galactic night of exploding stellar detritus and ring stars and expanding dark matter for untold eons of time and distance. i fall and float rise and roll through the universe and the energies suddenly still me, and begin to descend into this unmoving consciousness and into the form that is seated still around me. the world becomes unknowable as all thoughts are gone and words are unutterable. i remember the sense of awareness descending down my spine through every chakra, every vertebrae being pressured and twisted into perfect alignment, the heart unleashing waves of unending bliss, the lower chakras pushing brilliant cobalt energies through this point of awareness. slowly i descend into the first chakra and through lifetimes unremembered. 5 hours later. i surface, still cross legged, fingers frozen, my eyes glued shut, requiring me to wet my hands and rub them on the tangled eyelashes. i am not in my mind and there are no thoughts, i exist and i sense my awareness in the back of my neck. unattached to the mind or any part of the front of the head. i stand like a new born frakensteinian creature adjusting to legs too long and eyes too high. i am alive.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

the retreat road

sans that which is not me, i live for thee and thine and all that it may be for us. for here is the being supreme and nothing remains of that human desire machine now all is one and that is what i am. now its become a part of me like a hand or foot but closer like a heart or lung but deeper like my very soul born to me. i am here in the heart and there is none but that. incredible as it may sound, its become real in this life, both the knower and the known, the truth and the seeker as one. it began on the friday before the retreat, the long drive in the rented GMC 4x4 while the toyota was being repaired from its horrendous accident. all life had ceased behind me as i wove my way for hundreds of miles through the cop fueled frenzy of the easter vacation week families and friends heading for mammoth and points beyond. i sneaked through the barricades slowly and made it across the border to nevada. safe at last or so i thought, only as i drove sedately through gardnerville a street accident just a block in front of me had bodies on the road as from behind me emergency vehicles and the police raced to recover the victims. i turned around and went south of town and circled back to the road, glad to have put the carnage behind me. i serenely folowed the traffic through the south carson city traffic past the hwy 50 to lake tahoe turnoff where i could feel the pull of galilee just 14 miles that way. i was in athe slow right lane of traffic enroute to my brothers center in washoe valley when i noticed the car in fron of me suddenly hit his brakes and turn to the right hand side of the road, looking into my rear view mirror there was the dark brown form flashing the universal red white and blue lights of certainty from the masters of the streets in uniform and cap. i pulled over quickly and he came to my right side. "Was i doing something crazy? I was driving pretty careful or at least i thoiught iwas. he looked at me with his corn pone face and drawled as best a yakee neveada highway patrolman could. naw your driving okay, but your tags are expired. he grinned that gotcha look and had everything but the tothpick twirling in the side of his mouth. Well i countered , thats weird, caiuse its a rental!" I noticed it after i got the car with no gas, the gave it to me empty and when i was filling up i noticed the march tags." I reached past the bags on my passenger floor and clicked open the drawer and pulled out my rental agreement from enterprise. He studied it thouhtfully, looking for a loophole. Well thats the darndest thing he said, why wouldnt they put the tags on? He looked at me with his coolest i guess you got me but im not done yet look, I could hold you responsible technically, you know, but i wont. Just get this back to california before you get a real ticket, and he went to report his missed chance to the dispatcher back at home base. I saddled up my pony and set the 5.8 liters to humming down the road. Bodies in the streets , hundreds of ticket crazy authorities for hundreds of miles, i was relieved to arrive at the center house on chipmunk lane, just in time for evening meditation. I fell into the inky nothing, all the road rubber dropping from my weary auora.

divine evolution

there are no tears but joyful bliss pouring from my heart and eyes. no weeping but the mantras of devotion and gratitude coming from my lips. this wonderful life this wonderful love i am lifes realization and the realization of living divinity. all that i am is the process of my being fully conscious of every expression of the truth that i am in divine awareness constantly. here and eternally the sacrifice is the pleasure of relinquishing my action, letting go my control, accepting what is that i am truly purposefully doing in every instant. hold me and i am you, see me and you see that which you have realized. all action is divine will, all life is divine manifestation and all of us are collaborating in the eternal process of that realization and the evolution of divine

manifest divine

mother was not interested in writing long books but they were written for her. she had but one message for her children: You are the manifest divinity, act accordingly.
What was simply present for her was the truly divine nature of every being on the planet. there are no undivine natures. Everything is already the divine, we are just at different degrees of being aware and accepting that. the only thing that can be done for the divine is to surrender to that nature, become part of the Divine's will consciously. now we are all unconscious of this, and that is what brings misery, we think we are not doing the right thing or getting what we want but that is because we think we are not the divine, that we are doing this and thinking that, but in reality all of our lives are part of the divine will. we have the freedom of choice, to be or not to be conscious of the true reality. we can not accept this and then think that the world is not in alignment with us, or we can become that which is our truth and see that everything bows to the supreme. All questions can be answered thus, does what you are asking take you towards the divine aspiration you feel within or does it move you towards some human desire. investigate your intention and your actions for all comes from the divine but when we choose to interpret what happens as being our own action, then we are separated from the knowledge of the truth, that we are the divine and all action is the force of the divine manifest in our lives.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

home forever

a force more deeply felt is the strongest of them all. i experience my divine purpose and my divine surrender. I cannot do it myself. I realized i have run far enough, alone and willful and it is time to realize my true responsibility. this life is set to the one intention the divine purpose of manifesting the being in human form in the transformed state of physical reality. this is definite and cannot be avoided. it begins now.the work is already in motion, the action, the wave, the ocean we call the sea of being, we all share and are forever changed by each being seeking the truth and realizing its own validity. we are that universally and individually. now it is time to do that which will propagate its coming. the realization that all is done by the divine for the divine can mean only that all we need to do is to move into alignment with that and all is done for you. that is where i have come and will stay. what is life but doing that which makes the spirit true to itself, the heart in perfect alignment with all that it can hold. i am forever reborn and resurrected as befits this Easter morning in only a few minutes. Here is my declaration, this world shall be moved into alignment with the transformative energy of love, that is the intention that shall not change.
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