effigy

the burning man the effigy of life and its reward, the flame of consumption, we all live and we all die, but how many hasten that in this life, to die first to this world while still in its thrall.i see there fore i love, i feel therefore i love, now that becomes a death in me to the thinking to the feeling and to hope. what is left but the pain of sickness and the defeat
the failure of what i am to make any sense of what is going on. i talk to my brother in India, i sense the intensity of the agony, the searing loneliness the months of marching without end through the jungle not in body though that too but in the souls last miles through emptiness filled with murders and mayhem in the heart.
these words dont come easy or cheap, i feel left out and alone, i want to go home and feel loved but where is that and what is it i think would change. here everything is changed, the center is missing, the religion of me is ending and im not happy. in fact i feel the nausea of eating what i cant digest, taking food at the trough of emptiness is a poor substitute for what i once thought life was, this trial or this test or this ungodly way of living is dense and indigestible, the regions i inhabit are becoming tangibly diseased and cold, the chill permeating the frosted nostrils and the dying organs, the jackets and sweaters holding the temperature lower and lower.
i sit and energy does not fill me or feed me but it runs like the current of the unliving and burns my tongue for speaking. where is there a time for love, i dont know if its in me anymore, the walls too close, the door to far the tension and manner of life is stuck in ritualism and kabuki affronts. how dare i tread this pallet of expression and seek the damnation of my own self, what kingdom have i treasoned without care for my souls redemption?