loves inspiration

Saturday, July 9, 2011

kill the guru

not a moment goes by when i dont suffer, i find a way to extract pain from everything. its my nature to want some kind of punishment and to blame. where does this come from, where am i so twisted inside that i cant believe in the mother or the divine enough to cast everything to them and be done with it. i cant do this, it doesnt work this way. the love is not in me
it flows from the universal. i must be in connection with that to have it flow. i am empty, unplugged, released from life from home from love. i am the emptiness. two months ago all love ended. i feel no love in me, when i am around others its empty. i have never felt this before, i struggle with it. you cant force love, pretend love, make love respond. all i can do is wait and look at the way i react, i get angry easily. i am unloved and angry about that, from the bottom of my heart angry.this is my reward after years of work and loving all i can, its taken from me, so i have nothing to support me. i am heading for the bottom of my self.
i am sitting here planning the end of my life, taking apart job and home and family and there is nothing to take its place. i am sure i am insane. i have too many gurus too many enlightened beings around me, the freaking woodwork is full of them and each, surprisingly, has there own opinion, or should i say, truth, about me and what i need to do. its making me crazy. i am dying and they are arguing over the the philosophy it says kill the guru, i think i might need to kill more than one.

No comments:

Post a Comment

© 1999 - 2011 by passedlives- The author of these pages has kindly given permission for his work to appear on this web site. Please do not abuse this kindness (or violate copyright law) by reproducing this work elsewhere on the web (or rewriting, duplicating or distributing it in any other form) without the express written permission of the author.