living matters

there is within us the supreme sacrifice. unconscious, we have surrendered ourselves to the separation from truth, from love, from unending bliss and peace. birth creates the transformation from pure spirit, being of unfettered light, to passenger of the flesh, child of the mothers womb. the light is outside of us, it pains the eyes, the air is filled with sharp odors and the flesh is cold and wet. the moment we exit the birth canal, we are overwhelmed with sensations and feelings, our innate nature of light and fullness is crumbled beneath the million separate experiences of endless change, every action creates a thousand reactions, every sensation releases new feelings and all of existence is the play of mismatched differences, light and dark, hot and cold, held and let go, then the hunger and filling and emptying, the seeing, touching, untouched and always the sense of being somewhere unknown, alone, missing something, the thoughts and dreams become feedings and washing and faces, faces with eyes and faces with feelings and there is fear and anger and desperate love.

the child is come to the world from a soul that has no limitations, no requirements, no sense of other. and all that is turned into the physical and mental restraints of the birth the world the evolution of this finite creation. even the most wondrous life is less, somehow missing the unfettered freedom of pure being, and in every action thought and feeling, we reach to recapture that, pure divine ecstasy, in a billion perversions, all the twisted reflections of the truth.

this life we are subject to the demands of living in bodies, being a finite grain of sand, a desire to be more than just meat on its way to slaughter. we reach for a vision of truth, joy, love, remembrance of the moments of transport to another plane of consciousness, a world not of worlds but beyond describing, and we fail, often and with great suffering. the misery is compounded by knowing that we are not alone. the world is in utter misery, for there is no way to connect to that which we were , only that which we want to be. and what is that? the dream of power, safety, money, love maybe? or just desire, losing oneself in the very flesh that entombs us.

this life is empty, all things are shadows of the real, there is no substance except to go from form to dissolution. as Einstein remarked as he watched the world he wanted so much to understand, energy is neither created or destroyed, and all matter is just a formulaic expression of that energy. we are that highly complex equations proof. and beyond that formula, we are the creators of the form, the wielders of the artists tool bringing forth the very world we suffer in. there is only energy in an uncertain state, waiting to be acted upon by another energy, an organizing principle, an unaware condition of the unconscious mind desperately acting upon the stuff of unspeakable desires. we impose our lusts and fears and desires, misdirected emotions are the blueprints for the world we create for ourselves. We wall ourselves into our tombs of despair, unable to see over the top to the truth, we are the architects of reality, that's the truth of why we are here. to experience the freedom of choosing and seeing our choices come to life and intersect with the universe of choices. each voice is a word that is made true in the stuff of energy transforming into matter. we bring the monsters and then fear our own creations, where love and peace have dominion, the fear underlies and corrupts, where despair and pain rule, miracles alight and saviors materialize. all the world is the garden of children's toys. and if all becomes too much and this world to painful, sweet divine brings us back and all is forgotten and undone.

its a game of existence, where the rules are made before we get here. the beginning and end, the forces at play that rule the physical and mental playing fields. Arjuna told Krishna, I cannot do this thing, for all that matters to me in this world will come to a horrible result, i cannot lift my sword. and Krishna laughed saying All are already dead by me, there is nothing you can do but act without fear and thus attain freedom from bondage of doership. There is no life or death for the being within, only unending truth, what the body experiences is not the being, but what we can know is that we are not this body. the flesh is the truth of this life, but not the next.