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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Mother Love

the moment i awaken i am in love. there is a feeling of connection to my present universe. I feel the force flowing without end and with total love. Where i contemplate my meaning i find only the power to be filled with love from everywhere and in everything. I wondered about this amazing feeling, one i have carried from birth, one we all share whether we experience this or not. I was thinking the other day regarding the truth of my experience and how it has shaped my life for this has not been an easy or natural journey.
The wonderment began when i fell in love with my mother, and i loved her with all my heart and nothing could be more wonderful. I filled my universe with that love. But in return, i felt there was something else. a rejection, a criticism, a lack of love returning. I did not for an instant think there was anything wrong with the object of my love but rather that there was something wrong with me, and i strived to better myself to be what she needed in order that her love for me would be as great as my love for her.
I am sure you can see what this created. In every relationship, my love was surrender and full heart and without question, and in return, there was lack and distance and requirements, and i strived always believing the fault the distortion the lack was mine. Never did i suspect that my love was unique that others did not naturally experience this feeling of unconditional love for others. and i went on and on in life twisting and judging and wondering what was wrong with me.
this is the issue, some people are amazing lovers all the time and if they do not connect with a sympathetic soul a like kindred lover, they will not realize what a gift they have and it will be turned against them as they try and try to perfect that which is already perfect.
as i became older and started to become bitter and hopeless about love and definitely angry, it occurred to me to just love myself, to turn this perfect power to one i knew was perfectly capable of receiving and giving this force. as i turned to myself, i found myself revealing that which is divine in me for the divine force of love washes away all falsehood and leaves only that which is true. as that became my nature, love found me, a perfect lover a divine soul, who like me, woke up every day in love, and knew only unconditional surrender to that which is perfect within each of us. and in these last 10 years only pure love has flowed from me and while i had to learn the true divine nature of my self by having the human destroyed painfully, i am forever thankful and am now beyond the attachments and fully devoured for only love survives the pain.

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