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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

healed spirit

Last night my being shifted into my awareness. I realized as soon as i stepped into my meditation that something was changed. I felt untouched by any reality but the one i was sitting in. there was nothing else. no requirements, no attachments, no thing to do or check or think about. I was free of time as we use it, as a nagging reminder of all of our dependencies and desires. instead i was in the moment, untouched, free to be in the moment without distraction or worry. i realized that i could sit in this state for an unlimited period. days weeks months, there was only this with no expectations of what should be or could be, just this. I had no desire for experience or change. i saw only the blank undefined shapes of formless sitting. i felt no energies. i was adrift in the eternal moment. after a while i have no idea there was the energy in my fourth beginning to throb, a pleasant feeling like a pulse but faster larger. i soon felt the cool agni of the kundalini drifting up my being, actual energetic flames appeared before me and within me. the energy soon began its rhythmic climb and began to run generously through my crown from my root chakra. i began to feel the dull throb of pain the familiar pain in my left shoulder soon spreading through my upper arm. intense black squeezed the arm rendering it useless and cold yet burning. I felt to experience this fully. I focused on the area and went into the darkness, it began to swell and like a blood pressure cuff increased the pressure. the pain became white hot and bursting. i grabbed the energetic tissue and pulled it away from the arm, releasing burst of white pain filled with black energy. i began unwrapping huge bands from around the shoulder and arm. as the pressure there was diminished it increased down my arm through the wrist and hand. I felt my hand become like a monkeys paw, shriveled and lifeless.I realized that beneath the bands of pain there was a heavy wrapping, i began to unwind the wrapping and felt the hand of the embalmer and high priest upon me. i was not dead but unable to move as the wrappings were tightened harder and harder around my arm. i was being mummified in preparation for entombment. the arm was throbbing with the intensity of the death that would slowly follow as all light and air was closed off. I continued unwinding what seemed like miles of wrappings from the arm and hand and felt circulation tingling in areas that had not been alive for centuries. through out my life i always wondered why my left hand and arm were weaker than my right, less coordinated when practicing my drumming for years. Now it became obvious. I began at the top of my head and unwound the enshrouding wrappings for an hour i unwrapped and released the fear and pain of the slow death that was forever imprinted in me. i felt new life in all parts of me from toes to forehead expansion breathing of the skin and cells, freedom i had not experienced before. as the weight and pressure left me i seemed to float and all the pain in my arm and shoulder was gone. iwas able to sit and the energy flowing and feel weightless in all my extremities. i experienced every cell of my body as free and sat noticing a slight pain in my right knee. the one that years ago i had torn the ACL while hiking in Hawaii. I energetically removed the kneecap and began running cleansing energies through the knee, removing the cords left by the doctor and the injuries and the entities that were present at the time and filling it all with divine light. i flooded the leg with healing energies and with perfect divine light and love. all pain evaporated and i began the work of the Ho'oponopono removing all blocks, attachments, fears, transgressions, wrongs and distressed feelings toward everyone in my lifes experience. My family, my families families all relatives all persons i have ever had relationships with, all people i have worked with, all fellow travelers on the spiritual path, all beings i went to school with, every place i have lived and worked or could remember, every plant in my yards, every molecule i had come in contact with throughout this life and all live and all peoples and all ancestors. deeply, humbly, i cleaned and cleaned until the very obscurities of the divine were released and i set forth unchecked into the heart of the divine, in hallowed m,mountains and cliffs carved in the likenesses of a thousand deities through deep caves of unending storage of every experience of all my lives and then the river of these experiences that i directed before me into the sands of oblivion and down the grounding tube to the center of the earth and the huge brown river of my being s lives all swept down the canyon filled with the acceptance forgiveness love and gratitude of my being.all was being removed by the power of hte divine now fully united with me, the family of one, the divine the father the mother the child as one, all in me all in perfect unity and harmony. i felt the very perfect perfection of my existence and manifestation and slipped ecstatic into pure awareness, all thought done and gone all existence in every atom and filling the entire cosmos universal and individually experiencing everything without separation or end. this life and all lives completed and now free. time endless and invisible emptied into the moment unending. such lightness and fulfillment i have never experienced, truly this is the transformation, i could exist forever in this freedom. sitting was unbelievable joy, the experience of nothing filled me. the cup full of empty, the empty cup, no cup, emptiness, complete emptiness, complete undoing, letting go, gone. as the end became the beginning i was surrounded in the light of full darkness uncovered, eternal and the light filling every emptiness with brilliant fulfillment the awareness of its emptiness saturated every separated atom of my existence. fluid as pure as outer space surrounded me in a cocoon of being and i breathed the air of love and expanded beyond knowing.
somewhere the body returned and the awareness opened to the flat stillness of life untouched, still as glaciers frozen on mountain tops. i entered the system as the child reborn and in awe and wonder of this miracle, the walls of the senses surrounding me with pure delight, the sheer pleasure of knowing, a thought as thick as wheat grass fields flowing with honey smothered me. the air light as angels wings caressed me, the brilliance of sight turned me upside down and revealed my bound desire to experience as real this moment in this form in this place this time of all time and i am returned a new man and yet so very loved as only the most ancient of souls alive can be. i sit for ever until a wish to experience movement connects me to this planet and i arise and wander through my life fresh, the world i have, the little things i do the people i am with and i connect to them all and touch each energy as a part of me. i am in love. i return to sitting aware that in a couple of hours i will have the next experience of my life as service as responsibility without attachment now to the work to the world where i live to create my reality in physical meaning, the energies of work and reward, places that dwell deeply in the wounds recently healed in my heart.

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