indifference

i jerk suddenly in my meditation, the sideways movement of my arm stirring me. I have no idea where or when i am and no sense of who is thinking these thoughts. just the blackness then awareness, light motion. what is it, i dont know. it could be morning or evening. Am i late for work, is it time for dinner. there is only confusion, how can i not know, and who is it that cant get the simplest things right.i am slowly becoming oriented, the room in semi light/darkness candle forever burning, gives no hint of the outside world. i fall forward and twist the small clock to face me, 8pm its night, i dont have to go anywhere, thankfully, i drop to the floor, sensing the panic that had risen in me. not knowing, wondering if i would ever know, the who am i was the darkest, there was no one to know, no one to figure out or be in charge of the organization of facts and sensations to detail the whereabouts of this entity in the flesh. the merest stoppage of the internal workings of orientation to this plane of existence was on one level terrifying, on another, liberating, on another, indifferent. the one having the experiences was the sleeping conscious, invisibly, the being has no sense of differentiation. all just exists regardless, nothing is questioned or accepted, indifference is the nature of truth.