kundalini Samadhi

Finally returned to work, the doors of my cell wide and inviting as broken glass ground into my eyeballs. I have no thoughts except for my attainment and here there is little left. the retreat still rings in my heart and soul like the bells of the church by the lake pealed the coming of the SAT.I have to think to put together all the changes that have occurred since last thursday when i was whisked away to my date with the divine. The only hiccup the wandering in the giant tent of denver international as my beleaguered brother attempted time and time again to find me at the passenger pickup where i was never to be found, having gone 3 times to the wrong floor and wrong disbursement points. but finally i was found and we both looked at one another for the first time since the last day of the week long retreat at lake tahoe. Siddhartha looked fit and with a smile in his eyes and who knows what i looked like. my story to him had been the fall from grace the loss of connection but not from unswerving belief and faith, still surrendered to the path but not in communion with the expansion that had gone on for 7 weeks until it mysteriously ended.yet nothing is forever and this existence is the leaf of the wintering tree expecting spring. where we are is in each others hearts and who we are is the collection of a million minds expressing love. the earth revolves around the enlightened beings and i am sitting close with one for the hour and a half to Boulder. The passage is interrupted to secure a smoothie for me and a decaf Americano and pastry for him and a quick stop at the store for supplies. The trip ends in the outlying gated community beyond Boulder and overlooking a beautiful lake and the miles of high plateau beyond. The talk is desultory and unnecessary we are partaking of our psychic bonds built over generations. the home is amazing and beautiful in every aspect inside with many Buddhas and spiritual accoutrement sprinkled throughout the rooms. we settle for a few hours and Siddhartha has a series of interactions with the local group, on of the group is my fellow cell mate from the retreat at Galilee and we hug and talk of the last 2 months since the retreat. Tonight there will be a gathering of the local group, mostly educators and professional psychologists that have been working together spiritually for the past 5 to 20 years. All gather and the talk is thick and heavy with meaning and insight Another fellow retreatee is there and he is under the scrutiny of the group for his personality has a second face of indifference to the love and entreaties of the other folks there who have warmly accepted him into their group. his world is dissected and examined and he is left to feel his true feelings and fears and there is a great reconnection and love is in the air. The 3 hours goes ny quickly and i am headed to my friends house in Boulder to sleep and return at 6am in the morning for meditation with Siddhartha. The night is warm and sultry, the air redolent with moisture and meaning. I sit up having toast and decaf with my retreat mate and here tomorrow , the retreat will begin in this house. I am feeling more connected than i have for a week but i have little expectation that this 2 day retreat could have as much meaning or power compared to the 6 day at Galilee. I wake at 4 am after falling to sleep at 12:30. I have the coffee and toast, raisin that i had brought in my suitcase. All is well in the world and i am taken by the immense clouds in the mile high sky that is the giant world of the high plateaus. The sun is just peaking over the distant flat horizon yellow and orange and pinks in the sky as we drive back to the other house for morning meditation. I am alive and feeling excited by the coming interactions and silent sittings that are soon to come.
Siddhartha ron and myself sit and close our eyes and in a few minutes the energy begins to flow, another person enters the living room and we are all transported to the world of the SAT and the high connection of the universe. two hours of this light yet powerful energy fill me and as we approach the last ten minutes i feel a concentration in my 3rd chakra and a sudden tiny point in the center explodes with a huge burst of energy through my body, and every cell suddenly explosively expands. I feel a widening and a lengthening of my being and as the meditation ends and Siddhartha leaves to do his singular process until the move to ron's house at one for more interactions and the evenings introduction to the silent retreat at 7pm. I am carrying some things to rons car when i am struck with a vertigo that is more than the lightness of oxygen deprivation and i tell ron i think i am going to stay here and meditate some more as i know something is going on in my system but i am not sure what will happen. I want to sit on tjhis beautiful porch overlooking the lake and enjoy the trees and birds and the vistas across the distant plateaus. I ask the lovely woman whose house this is, Tamar, if i may stay and she graciously permits me. I go to the porch and sit to begin meditation and i feel a fluttering in my stomach and a sudden lightness of my head i feel as well as see a brilliance of energies behind my eyelids that becomes a flood a tidal wave from every point of the universe into me ,the life force of the universe unstoppable and without end pours into me from everywhere around me. I see seas of flame and tunnels of fire beings of incredible light watching as i am transformed for 3 hours unmovable on the porch as the morning proceeds and in the house many people come and go and look in on me and do there normal business. I am beyond knowing or caring as everything that is mine from the universe is processed and everything else is integrated into who this being is becoming. i am unable to move for 3 hours my limbs leaden and my head lolling back and forth, tears streaming down my face in gratitude and joy. The morning is past and the afternoon begun by the time my brother emerges from the room preparing for the journey to Ron's house. he prepares his lunch and i have a small salad with him and we talk on the porch and i describe the details of my experience. He tell me i am having a Samadhi and this is very important. I am getting prepared for things to come. The drive to rons house i quiet and he takes me by the new center for the Boulder group,available in a month, on 33 acres a house with a bottom floor that is a separate office conference room and storage all with separate facilities and phones and electrical. The roads are rough and the surrounding land is all empty space just recently purchased by the city to preserve the open areas.
the evening is come and the light of the day is still hot and humid. we set up the meeting room and prepare the living room for the next days meditations. The group for the meeting the introduction is 12 souls, ready for transport. Siddhartha is the master of ceremonies, a humble figure seated in everyday clothes explaining the process of the silent sitting and the satchitananda. The evening grows long with the questions and answers as Siddhartha expertly weaves through the mental gymnastics of the psycho linguists.
finally at 11 pm with a 6am start time tomorrow the group disbands and i head for my quiet room next to Siddhartha's. the night is filled with moonlight and trains moaning through the streets of boulder.
the morning is raisin toast and coffee and a few moments of peace outside watching the distant sunrise filling the floating aquarium of the sky where whipped water is cotton candy floating through the open spaces of the air.
the first meditation is long and filled with the SAT. i feel the energy running and have some wonderful moments of connection to the being, unconscious and conscious. we finish and the many hands go tot he kitchen to help prepare the breakfast buffet. I take to the many paths from the back porch all through and around boulder. The many ways split here and there and i end up on a small path that cuts through a creek and shady glens of heavy trees and chipmunks crying. i feel a presence behind me tracking me looking over my shoulder. I feel an anxious buzzing in my stomach and am glad i did not eat with the rest. I arrive at the back porch and sit myself under the umbrella at the outdoor table. I am immediately overwhelmed with a powerful force, my limbs rooted to the chair and porch, full energy running through me with rolls and rolls of waves of flow pulsing. I feel a huge pulse of energy in my 4th chakra and the bubbling sensations of intense ananda flows.i am filled with the visions of communion and connection with the forces of the universe and my heart is singing in harmony with everything. for 2 hours i am in the flow and my heart is exploding. I emerge just in time to return for the second silent sitting. the afternoon is full of the quiet and i go in and out of consciousness with the force. The lunch i spend walking more and integrating the experience in my body. At 4 is the final sitting and i am exhausted but exhilarated and feel the energy slowing in me. settling. i end the day glad to be finished but wondering of the many changes i am going through. the night is full of emergent feelings, i feel afraid of my destiny and having the cold feet of the divine for my slowly developing futures. I spend the night talking with my brother about my future and he promises me that we will reach the goal and nothing will prevent this. In the morning the group again gathers for the silent sitting at 6am and the dawn is electric. the sky is filled with sunlight and the room bright and warm. The meditation is filled with energy running and moving legs. when i am finished i leave immediately for a walk as i feel filled with energy like the rajas is coming on strong. I walk and take a new turn and soon am turned round and unsituated. I am signed up to help with the cleanup after lunch and am hurrying to get back. i go one way then the other and finally find the fence and the gate that leads to the forested cove where the bike path returning to the house is and i am soon back. I arrive to find all the work done and everyone smiling as i settle down have a snack and suddenly feel the energy hitting my stomach like a load of adrenaline and i decide i will sit upstairs in my room if i am going once more into samadhi. As soon as i get to my room and sit i feel this burning sensation in my lower back and my breath is getting ragged and my stocmsch is doing flip flops on the pineapple slices and toast i had for lunch. i feel the energy in me building and the heat of my back increasing and then like a shaft of pure force the energy from my lower back pushes up and suffuses through my spinal column and chakras then it explodes up into my head and i feel the inside of my head filled with solid pressure and it feels like wild animals are running round and round in my head pushing and shoving against my swelling brain case. then the energy pours out my 7th like a roman candle. I am transfixed with the sudden energy my eyes are bugging out of my head and the body is in full locomotion, i have to move to think unstopping to breathe hard to feel the blood and energy mixing in me like champagne bubblinbg over i am filled with unending expanding energy and i am running in circles around the room. i try to sit to lay down to do anything but my skin is coming off with the stretching of my muscles. for 90 minutes i am unable to stop i am on my knees crawling the energy is so powerful. I crawl through the connecting bathroom and knock on my brothers door. He answers, with a quizzical smile looking down at me in my semi panicked state and i utter a single word, kundalini, my voice desperate. He feels my head and back then takes a cold washrag and soaks my head down, then he motions me to lay down and try to sleep. I cant believe what he is saying sleep, i am bursting out of my skin how could i sleep, but i lay down and try to just relax and i find in about ten inutes i am almost resting with the energy thrumming through me. by the 11am time i am almost feeling under control. I go down with my brother to join the silent sitters. I am in heavy energy and the entire 2 hours finding the world a small traverse from my vista atop the mountain of kundalini.