there there

I am dying bit by bit here
and the true nature of my peril is still unknown
Sometime somewhere I will go
I am actually looking forward
to letting go completely
I have found there is only one enemy
and that is tension
Holding on, protecting, worry,
all elements of the same monster
For years I kept it at bay
with my self medication
now its hard to let go of old habits
I find myself meditating more
but there is no there there
I do not travel or experience others realms
but instead sink deep
into the fabric of this lifes energy source
It seems to nurture me
but I feel remarkably the same day to day
Its the things that dont change that i experience
the transitory appears and is gone
In certain moments the change in life
is profoundly apparent from this moment to that
but without time there is only now
It feels empty
meaningless
but rich in experience
there is no making it into something
it is what i choose in this moment
Another part of me becomes all of me
and on and on
I feel both exalted to have come to this
and foolish to think it matters
My mondays are most peoples nightmares
yet my nightmares are most people lives