loves inspiration

Sunday, February 21, 2010

about me

as usual, the littlest bit of love from you sets my heart racing
I hope you are well, physically. I know you are otherwise. I wanted to tell you how happy i was to get your e-mail. That makes life bearable, knowing you think of me and remember all our good times. They were spectacular.I have been down lately but I hope its just a cycle that will pass. Its almost like i hadn't paid my bills and suddenly they all have to be taken care of now. Its been karma city around here. I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say, things can only get better. I dream of you often and hear your voice when i'm awake, why is that? You always laugh your laugh and I listen for your footsteps, but that funny step never comes. Marcie went to Paris for a couple of weeks and with Tim gone (he's having lots of fun) its been lonelier than usual. I've been striking up conversations with strangers and asking and giving advice as much as usual, but it has lost its luster when there's no one to share it with. Maybe I should write you more often. I'll try to do that if this isn't too boring for you.
the kids are doing fine though I must admit everyone seems a little worried about me. sister came by yesterday and she started crying when I was saying goodbye to her. She said to me "Don't you leave. Don't you leave" I said no if i was I would be in India now. She said "go to India, just don't leave". I didn't know people might think I was suicidal just cause i'm depressed. I think their so used to me being happy and loving that when i'm not they get scared. Well, who knows, maybe the end of this will be some meaningful change that I know needs to come into my life.
How to get the family on board with this is what makes it difficult. I want to be more spiritual but just can't maintain it for long without some support.
This is just my tamas, but its powerful and I am losing the battle just now. The things coming into my life now suggest that i've got a lot of housecleaning to do and you know thats my least favorite chore. I pass on to you everyones love, those that are still here that remember you are like a little club. we are joined through your inspiration to us all. It will never go away. I'll wrap this up here so you can get back to your chanting or meditating or whatever you do over there now that you don't cook anymore. drop me a line and tell me about it. It makes me so happy when I get one of your e-mails

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