treat unexpected

as the hours progress the sticky notes begin to fall away, the lingering torments of the conscious and unconscious let go. where the fear of the pain subsides the taste of the freedom flows. the swinging door returns and admits the fresh air of its own making. i feel the emptiness inside me and the clarity of the forces return incredibly pure like invisible raindrops filled with electric vibrations. my heart sings in unison and cries with pure love for the soul.the flow is beautiful and natural and plays with me like a lover would when bringing a treat unexpected. i sit in the energy descending on the floor half naked and my arms in sleek repose to my hands turned upward on my knees. there is no chill no cold of the demon force insinuating itself through my withholding. the clavicle pain and the left arm stinging have come back with the friendly power. i have sat for 3 hours in slowly increasing states and from different sitting positions, first in my chair for 2 hours legs down and resting at times on my low lying table. as i moved to the floor the force began its descent, enumerating all its previous signals to me, the tickling, the lines of ants across my cranium, the dance fever in my face and the sudden wide descent to my chakras that suddenly are running like an 8 cylinder motor fully ready for the pace. now i have stepped free of time and space, the limitations of the next and the next and expectations and slowly i feel a giant orb of energy descend through my neck and a powerful strength of energy descend down my spine and spread out at the root like a python unfolding. it sits a while and then reties itself into a ball and begins to ascend cracking my spine until it exits at the back of the neck in a expanding bobble of releasing energies. this repeats 4 times and i am stretching my spine like a cat to afford its entry and egress from every nervous center in my body. meanwhile the front of my body is in sync vibrating with the descending electric rain and i am vibrating through out unable to hardly move but breathing i great snorts of air like liquid oxygen for fuel.
i am returned.

infinite point

in the hours of meditation and the running of the force there is pain if one is set to consider the next thing to do. all time must end or the pain will increase. in my mind i see the moment stop before me and within the moment, the end of time, the infinity of time, the endless aspect, universal to all moments. and in that point i insert myself and i push out the sides of that aspect into a giant cone of timelessness surrounding me. i feel the expansion of the moment into endless boundaries and sit unmoving and uncalculating. there is nothing to do but be in the force and nowhere to go to but here and within this moment. i feel the force in me wavering and pulsing down my head, through my face and finally, through a vortex, descend into my chest and stomach cavities. the thrumming of the chakras begin and they flush the energy like giant wheels in the river of being. the energy expands throughout the lower chakras and through the entire lower body. my mind sees nothing until the field of existence where the light is sitting on a distant horizon and tall panels of unequal length and width stand to either side like a set for a dramatic play set in some region of the mind. and there is only the lovely flowers from the bowers and fruit trees in the courtyard where the birds sit unmoving and waiting. and the silence rings like a broken eardrum and the sky is bright and dark in the changeless moment.then i am lost in a night of undetermined origins and unparalleled silence where i hear only the generating hum of the universe near me and in me and i realize i am in a body and my eyes are staring into the top of my head. the feeling is settling into the surface of the endless lake without a ripple and the awareness becomes inert, untouched, released from the human needs and thoughts, it sinks untroubled and the emptiness fills the moment that stretches into the infinite point of time.

the emptiness

the dawn is hours yet to be and the night is truly in its revelry.where the moon is high and the clouds low, the air simmers with reflected glow and the world is empty and quiet. why are we come to this moment alone unworthy, filled with portents of failure and reduction. what is the purpose of this travesty of meaning and design. the human is frail and works unwillingly at redemption. the tasks too huge and the reasons muddled with spent energies and time that never ceases, the trail to the end is still hidden for the lonely traveler and the GPS is pointing in a million different directions.the hand grasps the only thing it can find and the touch is skin deep. where we are now is not the place we expected. the rooting and searching and mindless movement have steered a course unlike our plan or proposals. somewhere the stars give out and the sea looks like water without end and the land is a desert of possibilities all empty and powerless.there is no savior for this moment, he is passed and the next has refused his crown and we are left leaderless, hopeless, unloved for the most of our lives.until the truth is accepted, the last chance denied and the way blocked without means of any passage. until then we are the engine of karma and misery for we play as children with weapons of personal destruction expecting the same tired ideas to yield new fruit new truths new purpose.
its the end of the road and the foods gone and the water is filled with salt. theres only enough time to say a few prayers, write a note for who and be done. the rest is all up to someone else, not ourselves, some force of unknown origin and we finally say the word and really understand it,god. the last refuge of the atheists the first name on the list of new people i want to meet.for a second i almost feel something before the the lights go out and the music stops. theres no one there, no family, no friends, no drugs or booze or entertainment to make it go away. the life you knew is over and the time to understand that is already passed. i wiggle my way to the edge of the cliff and prepare a defense for my failures and realize its not necessary, cause theres no body even looking. what was i so afraid of, what made me such a jerk, why did i have to feel like i couldnt do what i wanted. what is really going on and the light fades and the darkness comes.

divine - that which never changes

the light of mans aspiration is never unnoticed. the path is always prepared for every soul. the way to the divine is before each seeker and is always available for their movement, their decision. its is where the way seems the darkest or the lightest. for the way is the pain and the freedom. the way is always through the darkest despair, and is always the highest joy, those are always clear. it is the other ways that get confused. for everything is a puzzle to the soul filled with attachments. You feel the gut pulling and the heart rending and the frantic frenzies and the angry destruction, all are the traps of the vital, the human nature. all want you to create more and feel more. people search for a way to rid themselves of the reckless and restless feelings, but instead of releasing them they grab onto new feelings, new actions, new religions filled with the beliefs that hold everything down with their weight. and everyone is filled. and wants never to be empty. the lucky soul is the one that is empty. when there is a shock to the system, and the person feels that everything is meaningless and nothing matters anymore, then the person is ready for the truth, the ultimate wonder, the grace that never adds but only en-light-ens. for it is the emptiness that fills us when everything else is shed and gone. the end of attachments, the end of beliefs, the end of knowledge that has no meaning but to hold back the unknowable. shed the layers upon layers of useless feelings, imagined pains, remembered reasons, all the stuff that holds you in its weight, the unsupportable mass of what has been thrust upon and gathered in situations where it seemed helpful, or helpless or necessary or reasonable. each one, another added weight to keep the always empty truth from being known.
once there is nothing left, you are ready for the truth, not before. once you can let your feelings and your thoughts stop revolving around everything you have and are attached to, even if its only for a short while, then you can have the truth begin to empty the rest. for the true entry to the kingdom, is through the eye of the needle and not one thing can there be except the soul bare and emptied of this world things, if one would want passage where no human baggage can go. the life we live, holds, grasps, clings, its the gravity of the wanting, needing, desiring that keeps the spirit in the body. we come wanting to touch everything, experience everything, be everything, there is no end to the needing, for there is the great separation of the soul from the divine that is always empty. and the new personality is desperate to make that feeling disappear. for where in the human is this feeling coming from, the stomach, the sex, the mind, where, fill it, fill it, it makes me feel hungry, depressed, helpless. but it is not the human that feels the emptiness, the human needs are easily satisfied, the body wants only to eat enough to live, a little activity to stay healthy and the ability to reproduce, and in that companionship there are the beginnings of the accumulation that eventually becomes a flood of need and desires. For here the personality, which is the formation of the spirit connecting to the senses and experiencing the physical energies, so rich and sweet with sensations and laden with potential to be fulfilled with what is the purpose of the divine aspiration. but the spirit is empty, its nature is to have no attachments to the human form and the lower vital. but the pull of the interplay of need and satisfaction, the simple act of physical fulfillment feels so much like the fulfillment of divine aspiration that the spirit becomes trapped in the play and it becomes the unending cycles of need, fulfillment and frustration and misery. for there is no eternity in the physical, no unending satisfaction, only the cycles of the physical where change is unending and emotional attachments always triggering in every imagined gain or loss. we fill our lives with the easy wins, the easy victories everyday, the eating and the mental stuffing and the realizations where our trickery and cunning give us an advantage over others in getting these, then its the reproductive drive reward and pleasure and the emptiness that follows, the emptiness that needs to be filled again and again, and everything is that cycle and can never be ended.until the body is filled with the effects of this cycle, the damaged heart, digestive system, reproductive organs, the brain all damaged from abuse and overuse, from the affects of millions of gratifications and losses, the angers and the frustrations and the misery as everything we try to fill ourselves with changes nothing, and the emptiness is still there waiting.
and if somehow, before the end, you can realize, that what is divine is that which is always with you, and you realize that the only thing that is always there and never changes in the midst of all this passion and fury, is the emptiness, behind all things, behind every feeling, waiting in every interaction the unbridgeable despair of the spirit to find the divine in human relationships. there is the divine always, near and true in every situation. the mother of despair, dejection, emptiness where nothing exists.
it is that state that is yours as a spirit, to not be filled with all the stuff of this world and to be free in the state of emptiness, and it is not a negative state, its a state of perfect balance, between the spirit come to collaborate with the human to bring the divine purpose into the unliving matter of the physical plane, the densest region of the universe where the unmoving particles are trapped in eternal bondage of small and large attractive forces. where everything sticks to everything else and the movement is to become static with the force of all things stuck to all things in the final crush of existence. we are living in the period of expansion of the universe, where the divine force has reversed those forces to allow the divine to enter into the unliving matter and bring the divine force into every particle of physical matter so it to can share in the divine expansion, the new revelation of the universe and the unknowable realms from which it has come. when you are empty of the attachments which are the forces of attraction, then the expansion of the divine can move through you and the force of the divine descends, expanding all your consciousness and your connection to all the higher realms of the divine enterprise. for there are levels and levels of divine energies and consciousness preparing the universal manifestation of the purpose and the very real creation of a new super universal singularity that all existence will share in. the emptiness is the passage to the force that brings this awareness into the spirits consciousness and makes the relationship of the human and the spirit filled with meaning and purpose, not the accumulation of matter in the body and mind. become that which is always there for you, the emptiness to the human attachments, the end of the slavery of the human body and the fulfillment of divine awareness that is in everything you see and touch and experience. that which will make all matter part of your consciousness for it will be filled with the same divine force that flows through your divine connection.

Money from Divine

awareness of money. the representation of money in the divine nature. The divine encompasses all. the will of all is to encompass the divine, to have the divine, to be fulfilled by the divine. The divine has all divine love, divine force, divine energy, this is given to the absolutes of the universe in infinite amounts to complete her work of creating the structures in all the levels of awareness that will result in the ultimate merger of the manifest and the unmanifest. the absolutes, to motivate and power the lower levels of awareness to complete their creation and manipulation of structures to become nearer and nearer to the divine purpose through the process of being more and more inclusive of all possibilities are given the divine love, lets call them credits, for their work, this is controlled through the absolute forces and is parcelled out as the structures fall into the newest and most experimental yet all-inclusive patterns that include as much and as many of all the concepts of structures that are already in existence and then going beyond that. then those credits flow down to the levels of more dense and restricted awarenesses and forces that work in all the levels below feeding the creation and experimentation in all the levels below that. On the physical level this is the recreation of that process of credit and reward as it applies to the human activity. Those that reach out and make the most connections and are the most original in their efforts while connecting to as many others as possible, affecting the greatest numbers,are granted the most credit for their efforts, this is the process of wealth and abundance for those that connect to its process. so as you go out and expose your self and your ideas whatever they may be to more and more individuals and as that is accepted and incorporated into their structures of thinking and emotions and thought then you receive the credits. This is why ponzi schemes work, this is why the entertainment business is so successful, this is the secret of advertising, and the massive power of the communication media at any stage in human development. This is the process of expanding the number of connections to different dimensional beings throughout their human manifests in order to open the possible channels that are connecting from higher awarenesses that are searching for the path that will reward them in kind and on up the entire spiritual and energetic chain.

divine alignment

the process of the higher structures of the absolute to get pushed down to the multiple levels of awareness and the forces of the various planes of consciousness that restrict the activities at all levels below it until you reach down to the very dense level of the physical, is the process of the divine infusing the whole of creation with its divine purpose which is to create a structure so perfect it will align all of the structures of the manifest level with the unmanifest and in that moment of connection and alignment bring together a mixture of forces whose result will be an new and perfectly formed energy that will fulfill its divine purpose.
I liken this to our own bodies force of reproduction only for the sake of making this understandable to the human. The forces of the manifest would be the male reproductive system aligning everything in the human form to create and align its purposes and functions to manufacture the very seed and then embrace the unmanifest in the female to entice that seed into her prepared and fertile egg where the result would become the unbelievable new energy of the child not mother or father and becoming a complete change in all the activities thereafter and is not predictable. just as the seed and the egg cannot have any understanding of the beings and energy they represent and create so too does the human not understand the incredible structures of energies they are the very physical essence of. for here we ae the very hand of the divine attempting to touch the unliving matter, imbue it with our divine consciousness and bring it into collaboration with the divine purpose which will ultimately result in a fashioning of an new state of being that has never existed before, something both manifest and unmanifest and also neither of ach. it is this that we are attempting to create, each of us the seed or the egg of the equation each of us the last conscious level of the chain of awareness pushing down the higher structures and purposes that are designed uniquely and specifically for our attempt to create the perfect alignment and cause the evolution to continue. this must occur in synchronization with all levels of the dimensional reality being created by our dimensional awareness and consciousness at all levels up to the highest absolute which is the perfect reflection of the unmanifest and the very connection to the divine which is beyond knowing. It is through the alignment of these structures created from the perfect connection to the divine down through all the levels of being to the final state of dense physical matter where we are the link from the awareness of the divine to the level of inert matter that the human becomes the very hand of god, but this hand needs to have the connection beck to the divine in order to understand its purpose and proceed with complete alignment to the will of the divine. For this to occur our higher awareness is attempting to bring the consciousness into our physical bodies so we can be in the alignment, however the senses veil all the communications behind the wall of sensations and mind control of the physical entities. until the human can discover the higher level of awareness through the gradual dropping of the mind and sensations filled thoughts there is no alignment. once the mind stops reacting to the physical, the communication can begin and the structures of the higher awareness can be sent to the physical, changing the body structure so the higher awareness can be expressed in the physical form. as that completes, through the entry of the force into the body, then the consciousness changes to communicate openly with the higher dimensions. alternatively the individual can take the path direct to the divine and the feel the direct connection from which the awareness can be changed and the absolute nature of the divine purpose is revealed and expressed in the human form.

dimensions unbounded

the simple act of waking is the formal admission of the personality into the consciousness. the personality sleeps, the essential nature remains, uncontrolled by the personality the mind, using its own firmware, controls the storage and structure of the components, creating connections to thought patterns for memory trees where sense memories are stored. there is an illogic to this that the personality would not understand, and would interfere with, thus sleep, the turning off of the conscious mind to allow the unconscious to run without interference. the unconscious is also the access to the imagination, the great repository of the irrational, the much vaster portion of the consciousness. the unconscious allows the soul to connect to the energy of the universe that is constantly bombarding us with information, guidance and patterns of possibilities that are coming into existence all around us. we look and see a group of individuals at a street corner, all seems normal, but in each persons mind is a pattern of expectations, realizations, plans, communications and hopes, despairs, memories and imagined possibilities. each one is the physical representation of another dimension intersecting with a shared dimensional field of energy. all these dimensions are a particular set of requirements and each is a reflection of the unknowable field of awareness that creates this field of dimensional manifestations.we see the bodies, but our experience of these alternate dimensions is only felt when we are in the field where we originate our manifestation in this field of awareness. there we experience the other inner aspects of these billions of self generating states of awareness. each is the truth of their manifestation and each share certain characteristics that are shared by all. there is where the psychic flows, for that is the means of accessing the other dimensional territories where they all connect to the field of awareness. this space is accessible through every dimensional being and is usually buried beneath the overwhelming flood of sense experiences that the physical form has. when a being removes themselves from the connection to the sense experiences and connects to the psychic, he is able to experience the psychic awareness that is emanating from other beings from their alternate dimensional experience. here is the field of energy from which all their manifestation come.here is the creation of the physical manifestation from the energetic field into the shared field of the physical. here are the drivers and blueprints for the alternate dimensions, the emotions the spiritual, the mental states beyond the physical awareness and personality. this is the clairvoyant communication that each being has to use to communicate with other dimensional beings. without the psychic, there is no way of understanding the multi dimensional matrix and the multiplicity of manifestations and their innate sense and abilities in the realms beyond the shared physical plane. at the root of this phenomenon is the almost unbelievable ability of each dimensional entity to create entire energetic worlds that they master unconscious to the physical sensations of life. the thoughts and awarenesses the imaginations and unconscious worlds of their dreams all create entire energetic galaxies and populate them with meaning and purposes that are reflected in their physical nature, not the other way around although it may appear that they are. it is in this hyper awareness of dimensional reality that things actually take form as the dimensional being psychically directs the actions and reactions of the physical manifestation in relation to the dimensional interfaces that are trying to be achieved. this is where the will and the dreaming and faith are all sourced and through the hyper dimensional being the physical is able to achieve changes in the physical state that would seem to not conform to the laws of physical nature which would be so if one completely eliminated the hyper dimensional realities that exist unseen but are there none the less. for when the dimensional beings collaborate, they exercise influence over the actions of the physical manifestations that create exactly the patterns of action and results that they need for their work in the hyper dimensional states to succeed. this is the primary work. it goes on without the functions of life and death for the physical, it sustains the rebirth and reexecution of the required physical manifestations for these are part of the dimensional structure and actions must be done in the physical realm to sustain the individual and collective field where all levels of consciousness collaborate to achieve the ultimately super hyper dimensional structures and the movement is from the highest structure, the most inclusive down to the most individual. once the most individual component of a structure is in alignment with the purposes of the most absolute then that structure becomes charged with the divine alignment of the unstructured unmanifest and creates the bridge to connect the two and from that all realities are realized in a single unformulated meta singularity and the eternal dichotomies end and the world of two unknowables to each other, the structure and unstructured, is ended and the state of the unmanifest is both absorbed and absorbs the manifest and a new continuum with divine intention will be created, a new unknown force will evolve for what the divine has always strived to become.

Friday fleeing pressures

can a friday be filled with anything but hope, for it is the last hurdle for the track and field team of the working class and though not all have saturdays off all at my work do. i do not share their unabated expectations for by just being at home during work i am already moved into the weekend. but the mass of them punish each other by creating such a rush to complete everything in one day that they could not in the last four, that everything that can go wrong always does on fridays. the morning is cloudy and the dark low clouds seem protective after my recent experiences. when i awoke at 3 it was streaming dark and the candlelight was unwavering in the dense air. nothing changes in the hours before the light so the prospect for true creation is palpable. the universe is still and the emptiness sits unmoving but fully exposed for all to experience. i take the reins of the wagon and drive the horses of my expanded creative force through the first paragraphs of what was to be my journal but like many of my writings becomes a tome of dissertation on the experience of expanded awareness and transformation. yesterdays experience is still strong in me and i feel its influence in that i am continually aware of the separation from my body and the aggregation of my senses far from the attachments of my form. i am the emptiness living and sensing my propensity to end untruth by just being unaware of any thing but the nothing of existence denied. the 40 days of fasting, the sitting under the bodhi tree, the turning away from the physical obscurity seems a simple task, the change of belief from real to the super realities is the minute change of focus and not a gut wrenching dichotomy of the flesh.
where lately i have been simple in my approach i now feel the richness of inclusion and overlays of awarenesses and even feelings that have no source but the cosmic heart and the divine aspiration.i am swept and pulled through all inner examinations and will not deny myself the right and the responsibilities i feel are being given to me. though these words are only shared with but a single mind that could possibly imagine what it is i am going through and that is mine, it truly is the source of my experiential sharing and is for the universe and the billions that are unable to reach this point in their realization of their aspirations. i write as if the devil is chasing my fingers and trying to make the wrong keys appear before my words are typed. i concentrate and even imagine that the keys move to my fingers rather than vice versa.
i have a deep feeling for every soul that must eventually find this path and like me may have spent nearly all their life and health before finding it and then be in the realization that there can be no more delays or the experience will not complete in this form and there could be such a long stretch of emptiness before the super mental and the bahkti are enabled in tho next form which may not have evolved and of which i want to be the engine of it evolution. let these words be that fervent hopes manifestation for as i write i am creating all that is within myself and new dimensions are coming into being each with the unique curvatures of my realizations and i inhabit each one and am as a god to the inhabitants within and there the petri dishes may prove fruitful but will take as long if not longer than my own experiment in this forms dimension.
the walk of this day is different if only for the the fact it is the first time i bring my phone and i spend the entire time expanding my awareness with my love and then with my loving brother with whom i feel such affinity. and the passage of my relationships with my seven brothers is beyond telling. suffice it to say that we are the sacred seven and each a master for what he manifests and each the madness of the mother is provided to keep him from the obscurity, for as long as he is believing there is pain he will find the path to freedom.
in siddhartha the pain was unbearable from birth and the world was a nut to be cracked and his focus was always on the spirit in between massive engagements with the habitual and the domain of the unliving, but here he is passed through the eye of the camels back and leading me to the water of existence without fail.
we talk of many little things such as the samadhi i experienced for 20 minutes on the pond bench the day before and how i am accelerating since i have dropped all my human habits and attachments at the retreat only 5 weeks prior, and i am still dumbfounded that this ueneding procession of change is only five weeks old and i still feel like this is a lifetime and there is little time to waste as i hurry through the dead spot of phone reception that is my neighborhood. the afternoon is a waste of meetings and disappointments for the projects i manage and a large unscheduled emergency for the biggest application i support so the afternoon ends late and by 4:30 i am looking anxiously at the hallway to my deliverance but still have to wait a half hour longer.
the room is dark and warm, yet i am in my sweats and socks and jacket. i sit, crossing my legs on the floor cushion,cushions holding up my back and i descend into the world of energy and the force is like an electric current through every inch of me, expanding every cell and molecule within. i feel like a neon light flashing at an intolerable frequency too high for my system to stand with untold energies riding up and down my spine. for two hours i sit in this expansion until the pain is too intense to bear and i throw myself across my mattress and wait for some relief but it does not and i lay in the unending intensity on the edge of consciousness aware that i am hallucinating wildly but understanding none of it.
the blessing is the house has been empty since 4:30 and i am alone in my misery as i begin to make noises in my pain and discomfort, finally i seem to have some regaining of control at 8pm and flee to the kitchen where i consume my bowl of soup and bread with no hunger whatsoever but with a passion to slow the expanding pressure.
i hit the jacuzzi and fall finally to the computer and have some time with my love when everyone of the 4 other inhabitants come home from different destinations. the house seems mad with chaos suddenly and i am confused and happy at the same time. by ten all are asleep and i am soon passed out at my keyboard unthinking.

collective unconsciousness

i am at least as extended through my thinking as i am through my actions. i imagine a world of unending possibilities and they begin to manifest. i speak to my brother of setting up my life to have more time for the work, the advancement of the spirit, and i am offered that.the validations of the force and the actions of the mother become greater and greater. i am everyday struck forcibly by the sublime energy of transformation, its divine fire overwhelming me and creating this new expanded being. as i expand i empty that which is too small and would limit my expansion merely by its concept of scope limited to a single aspect of a principle or the single belief in the material reality of an object or feeling. for the expansion is of abilities and anything that is unable to grow immediately or allow others to grow is unbearable.the easiest way to recognize this is by the degree of contraction imposed by considering the object. if i feel a contraction of my awareness a narrowing of my feelings a limit to my expression then its nature is unacceptable. my thought processes must be able to command the principles of infinite, individual and empty all in the same imaginary concept for it is only in the imagination there is sufficient enormous power to bring unrealized capacity to hold such unrelated but interconnected concepts together to create a new manner of realization and, in a marvelous way, the concept of divine thought.for the thought of the divine is to manifest with the complete awareness of at least these three principles in all realizations thus ensuring the complete system of existence, absolute and non being of any manifestation within the cosmos. for were there to be a manifestation without one of these principles all else would fail as the law of creation would be abolished in order to allow the lopsided progeny to not feel miscomposed. for any thing the divine can imagine must be and what is and isnt in this dimensional field is the design but not the only possible one, for we can exist in more than this field where such unbalanced systems are at work and their ultimate result could very well affect the outcome of all existence in this one. so be sure that progress in what i do is as important as life itself for what is being done here. were there to be no ascension or supermental levels of aspiration we would likely be cast off as a redundant field of manifestation that proved unworthy for continuance. at every stage of existence our ability to collaborate with the forces in existence is tested and checked and reported to beings beyond our awareness who wait without knowing as their experiments yield results the determinations of which are our own consciousness and aspiration on every level of assemblage, as individuals, as a race, as a shared mentality with other levels of consciousness and our ability to absorb higher states of awareness and disseminate them through out the collective unconsciousness and then bring that to light. where these fail we all are on the petri dish that is set aside for washing. so in the process of divine aspiration we are all carried to the cosmic university and are tested on things we are never taught but should naturally absorb from the rays of cosmic light that are constantly bombarding us. our obscurity to these concepts is a measure of our lack of unified realization of the true nature of existence even at a cellular conglomerative stage where we are basically unconscious even of the bodies we have been given to enable our absorption of the vibrations being sent unending to our systems and we are to be interpreting them and using this information as fuel and for direction for how to create the next evolution. even the monkeys were able to divine the meaning of the signals and created the humans for the next step. and while unconsciously we are repeating and repeating the process outside of the organic systems, we still lack the impetus except through random poisoning of the flesh, to evolve the form for the next progression. since the body has the neurological system enhanced to receive all the transmissions its is reasonable to assume that it can also interpret these signals regardless of their perceived vibrational aspect.the issue is the nearness of the giant transmitter that brings the life and sustains it for half of every revolution of the planet, so it is in the night that the other signals can be acquired and separated and assembled as to their intent and direction.thus the reason for astronomy though the astrologies are also more directly linked to the systems that are to be affected. but the combination of the two is the most effective at cataloging the vibrations and signals from each body and its significance to the immediate nature of the human experience. a close study of the being born under specific influences would yield the necessary knowledge organically that is being looked for by the overseers of the manifestation of the divine. there are cosmic occurrences that occur throughout the universe and each send a message to all the petri dish civilizations and each are absorbed and distilled according to the particular geometries of design of the systems in each, and beyond this universe, the untold dimensions each a more distant reflection of the source, which we are not but are also just another reflection, there is a cataloguing and comparing and inventorying of all the aspects and the response of the minute organisms and how they structure their existence as a result. in each the tremendous upheavals and catastrophic changes threaten the end of another promising study, but ultimately the source is reflected as it should be and the evolution can finally ensue. on this petri dish, the struggle to bring the truth has been fruitless for thousands of years but luckily, the divine lab technicians use a different timekeeping method that multiplies infinities and we have not exceeded our allotment.

Thursday come changing

i cannot express in words the power of this transformation that powers my every thought action and revelation of new states of consciousness. how this came to be and where it is going are constant states of contemplation that unfold without end. for i know truly now that the present changes not only the future but also what has passed.for what is the past or future except the present returned, we experience the past and the future as a present state, it is completely in our control and when we have the experience in the now that brings us premonitions in the past that is the now changing the past but our sense of spatial awareness doesnt reveal it to us until it happens. the same with the future
the ripples of the effect expand through the pool of experience and time sits atop moving in the push of the experience. all is changed but we have already experienced the change and think of it as the past filled with coming portents we do mot completely understand. so in the present all things ar available, and we can choose to change any of it as long as we are completely connected to the divine source of our being. this allows us the access to the energetic record of our lives in all directions. from the point of view of the physical plane of consciousness without the aid of the divine we are only in the instant of perception and the past and future are like concrete and are inaccessible.
this morning i am up at the hour of 3 and all things seem just beginning their dream cycles. the very air seems asleep and i step into it gingerly lest i awaken the children of the night too soon. i tip toe through my yoga and wander down the dark hall to the kitchen filled with the night. the many small red and blue leds of the computer and stove and night lights fill the air with a movie like feeling like a set is constructed and lit just for the cameras. i walk in on cue and twist the bulb in the over head ceiling san assembly for the pull cord is long dead and the new gas filed bulbs have no tiny carbon filaments to heat or break. so twist is all that is needed and the light of 13 watts expands my vision.
there is no change but in me and i perceive every living molecule at rest and in stages of excitement. i feel the electrons escaping and collapsing in their dance around the gigantic neutrons, the passage of the protons as they stabilize their charges and the infinite play of existence to support this maddening play of false reality and magical experience, for truly we are the machines made real and discovering we are machines but then we truly are the creators of the entire madness. where does reality begin and the falsehood end. in this world there is no end
we become that which we believe we are and nothing more, our every whim another vast possibility for obscurity and its unending play of repetition in different combinations of matter unliving and devoid of meaning. where the body says i need there is an untruth, even the hunger and the disease and the pain and the dying are unreal to the spirit. in the throes of dying the spirit is untouched and is in wonderment.
the passages of the soul are the only recording of these lifetimes and the memories are the moments when only the spirit is alive and all else is reduced to unimportant background for the play of the connection to cosmic truths. when we post this experience to the soul it hungers for the truth and imprints its connection into its ethereal fibers. when we arrive at those moments we can look both back and forth to those moments we have experienced and to those that we will and all are as one point in the universe where all things come from and where all things go to find fulfillment. our imagination is the only tool that can bring these realizations into being for the logical mind cannot hold eternity and the instant together without collapsing. let that which we imagine become our reality and we will be closer to the truth of correct action in this incarnation than anything else that comes from our conscious mind. the tiny fraction of the brain that our conscious uses is the key to the import of what we think we know. it is in the unconscious activity that the reality lies unthought and unaware yet filling us with its empty ideas.there is the path to the soul and the release of all untruth for the acceptance of our divine destiny to bring the life giving ananda into the matter of this physical plane of energetic existence.

the thursday life is the new one day at work for the second portion of the week, as wednesday is the new time stop, where the soul remains fixed in time and space and does not wander through man made streets to test the role of fate in its life. greg is here and the car is swift and sure. we talk endlessly as i cannot stand the radio and its subliminal messages of propaganda devised by small minds long dead. at the daytime home of hundreds of individuals we are among the very first to arrive and there are many wishful feelings still floating in the air from last nights departures. i feel the frivolity of drinking and the expecation of sex and deeper there is the morose realizations of the endless repetitions of the form and its patterns of obscurity in every action.
i will dwell little on the world of work and its formulas for failure and the untold remorse for the years spent in meaningless motion and patterns of thought. rather i will forward to the instance of divine intervention during the only expansive period of the day, lunch. where i do not walk but i fly on feet of gossamer wings to my escape and retreat each day. there i plunge forward through the ponds and i see the 5 foot heron who stands brown and blue on his long legs and wide breast and sloping beak a foot long. he stands without moving before me on the trail, and i sense a deep welling of awareness in his unmoving glance as i walk cheerfully by. i turn the corner at the widest pond and take the small side trail that is the viewing area for the small island that sits in the middle of the pond, today the birds are absent but the air is warm and breeze mild and i sit to take a moment to meditate as i always do to reconnect to my divine messenger and the litany of transformation through the descending of the force. i sit close my eyes wonder for a couple of seconds how soon the force would come as i only wanted to sit for a few minutes so i would not be late returning to work and in that instant, i was grasped by the very roof of my consciousness, as if there was a handle affixed to the very top of my awareness and i was yanked forcibly from my body. in that split instant, my feet slid jerking forward, my head fell with a audible thud to my chest, my arms slumped and bent sideways and i was suddenly seeing a dark and swirling energies landscape of immense proportions and then everything went blank. the next i knew i was back looking out of my partially closed eyes watching my feet jerk spasmodically beneath the bench and i was suddenly back to the dark world and blank. this shuttered a few times back and forth until i momentarily could grasp myself in my head and struggle to open my eyes fully. time had passed i could tell and i was not seeing what was in front of me but was instead and also looking at something unseen behind my forehead, i could feel the focus there and not on what i was staring out at. the feet were turned at strange angles to the ankles and my shoulder was slumped almost to the bench my hand splayed to either side. I wrested control back and stood shaking, realized my body was in shock, heart pumping, breath racing sweating. i nervously began walking trying to get my feet to fill but somehow my feeling was my feet were in my knees and my eyes were still behind my forehead. i shuffled as only the unliving can at least a mile and a half back to the office. There i felt my own fear mentalized with the collective fear of the many occupants of the building. i felt trapped in my body just as they felt trapped in their lives. greg looked at me and said you look scared man. what happened. and i tried to explain but no words could convey the horror of my body being ;loosed of its consciousness and feeling the absolute separation from all purpose and control. the body was in shock and i stuck partway between the living and the dead. i tried to eat food in hopes that would quell the anxiety and groundlessness of the form but it made a lump in the stomach and created more disease. i was forced to sit through a meeting with its only saving grace being that it was only greg i and one of our more ironic coworkers all in total despair of the task ae were discussing, and something in that shared despair kept me from feeling unwelcome in this strange unliving state. after the meeting i was trying to reengage my system but nothing worked. i was in my office with three others and they all knew of my condition but really had no concept of what i was experiencing, they were masters of cruelty and obscurity and their mere presence was frightening me and i looked in every direction for escape. then i was thrust the keys to a lexus that my boss had left at work the day before when he went to beverly hills to purchase his mid life crisis m6 bmw and needed me to drive his ancient Lexus to his house on my way home. in a panic i loaded my stuff in his car grabbed his gate key and waited for greg to get his car and follow me. I could still not focus on the images my eyes were sending but i was aware of them. i drove slowly and maintained the exact distance necessary from the cars around me and drove unsteadily for 15 miles through the freeways and boulevards of southern orange county, often forgetting ewhat i was doing or where i was but somehow getting it together for each turn and move of the traffic. i relieved parked in the driveway and exited to gregs vehicle, where a scared little boy looked out the window until he could escape to his meditation crib. i was frightened and could not feel the force that had been my constant companion for weeks, but once i sat it immediately descended and i was sure i felt the cool and compassionate hand of the mother on my forehead, easing my shaking sense of reality and calming my worried mind. the force descended and rose to a fever pitch until after two hours i felt expanded and returned and burned through to my very cellular structure. i exited to a bowl of soup and the kindness of my home in relative peace and the jacuzzi for bodily comfort.as in all things this was my introduction to the next level, without apologies or preamble, i was tested and while there are no grades i passed the exam in that i left my body with a huge help from the unknown looser of awareness and dividers of being from bodies. it was not until late and after falling asleep listening to my brothers recording and realizing i had not heard a single word that i slept for the first time since early this morning.

morning transformation

the more rapidly we fly the stronger the resistance to our quest, the very air conspires to slow us and the earth becomes a tar pit of our inertia and demise. where there is untold majesty, here the remains of mighty empires sit in turgid sinkholes. the ocean is the grave of all mans dreams, for never does the surface reveal the vast enterprises now rusting and decaying beneath her untold volumes. we are the play of the universe, to fight for every false dream to struggle without rest to manipulate and aspire without any understanding that the tools are made of ideas and the reality is the illusion of accomplishment. and every time we climb these towers of babel the world sinks deeper beneath the tidal waves of despair and our ascension is only the illusion of the action and the miracle of fiction, that our lives are spent in the hell of the fore sworn demise of the intellect and the failure of the soul for it has no rest in the confusion of mans complete infatuation with that which cannot sustain his existence and will never bring the ascension of the spirit without the release of falsehood and the connection to the divine. i feel the need to put upon my back the immortal significance of our generation, prepare for the end is near. this is the truth of our current matters, the ascension of the force into the physical space is opposed at every turn. where man aspires the forces conspire and those that are shown profit for the years they submit to the death of their souls they are given whatever they can take, but all is sand and rubble every pretty monument to slavery and pride becomes a glowering symbol of the forces that will not surrender to the light and have no care or reason to loose their willing minions to the spirit. it is a war and it is not man against man but light against dark and most of the souls in question are in the shadows with no hope of feeling that which they are directed to report and fear. all action is the loss of connection for what action can become the truth except that which creates inaction and stops the forces that drive men to confusion. the advent of communication has become the mind control of the billions. where are they now but in constant overload of the mental and the continuous receivers of the lies and fears that drive them to create even greater edifices of the darkness to prevent the communion with any other soul except the dark lords minions. we create the fantasies of light that are actually the darkness repackaged, the religions and beneficent societies that are only fronts for the greed and lust of the powerful. the unthinking minds in lockstep to the lies bring them every reward that can be gotten in the service of darkness, for there is no care or concern for the souls of the lost. yet there is hope and it comes from where all light flows and in the places unexpected for these are kept hid en from the world of unending vigilance and the light is disguised as the foolishness of the harmless. but there is a principle of the universe that has been unleashed in the past generations that is becoming a part of the consciousness on the earth and it is that force that brings the very tools the darkness turns to its own means but their source is actually the release of the unstoppable power of truth. the force was brought down in the last century, it came to areas where the earth entities are in magical connection to the new force through divine harmony of vibration and expression. where there was perfect harmony of man and nature there came the light unbidden and without resistance. and it was let loose among the children and they have carried the seed of the truth with them in silence for generations and their children understand without knowing the truth of the lie of earthly existence. and the despair and the turning away from the dark forces is becoming an instinct in them and their children will carry this truth even more as part of their consciousness and the wave of revulsion for the worship of things over spirit will become a lost empire within the next 50 years. there will be the confusion of action and right versus wrong but the eye and the focus will first check the divine and the force for change that is the mother will blossom to a world near ruin but in haste to save what can remain for those that bring the divine into manifestation. and while more lost souls exist on the planet now than ever in history, they are turned more and more from the purveyors of lies and greed by the hand of the mother, through their own karmas bringing them to bodies without the ability to become part of the lie, bodies with minds that cannot connect to this illusion and instead are focused on their private illusions and these who in past lives had no regard for the world or its needs are now forever cut off from all action in this world and are set forth disconnected by the millions. the mother is at work, for it is the diamond will that creates the truth that cannot be denied and it only the light that can create that will. and every being transformed in its crystal light is a power of ten greater than the last and all become the engine of the divine beyond the singular disparities of the untruth.
where the speakers go on and on about the different ways the taxes of the poor can be stolen and misused the force of the divine is creating gateways for the truly inspired that have separated themselves from the unending falsehood, and where the greed and lust are the theft of life and liberty, the freedom of the divine is always there and more openings are being created everyday and in the very thought of that is the reality of the creation and profusion of the forces that strive to bring forth a new consciousness that requires a new vessel to inhabit. and those that are chosen are the bridge forms the converted the half man half super realized being of the new light of cosmic intercession. for what sounds like madness to the deluded sings of the truth to those who have escaped the madness. and everyday more are disillusioned, more are in despair of what they experience and more turn from the falsehoods of slavery and painful burden without end and search for this light though they have no name for it.
we who arise through the divine intercession after a lifetime of painful separation and unwilling to surrender our truth center created in the original opening that was the youth of our ancient generation are now preparing the next stage of evolution and bring the battle to its true form the world above worlds where the forces rage unending and the very soul of reality sees the difference between the forces beyond knowing that they are working for the unstoppable will of the unknown expanding will and consciousness of being reflected from the well beyond even the ability to understand and see that the play of the madness on our planet is of little consequence and only through the minute intercession of these universal forces can there be a swift end to the childish by comparison dark forces set loose in this hidden backwater of existence. we are sending up the emissaries of our expanding awareness as we evolve to the point where we are conscious of and can communicate with these intergalactic and universal beings or forces or whatever we can conceive of them as for their makeup still is beyond our comprehension and it is through their momentary intercession that we shall free the soul that inhabits earths forms and engines of the satchitananda that all creation is in the act of performing at all levels and surely our expansion is another level of that action from the beings beyond knowing into the neurological systems of the human form. we are that and the firsts of those to comprehend that are the bringers of the wave that is already permeating this world and allowing madness to become meaning and ending its reign of unconscious slavery and lust.

Wednesday of Love

the wednesday of the mind, the point of maximum effort or the lack of trying both get you here. I feel the early emptiness, in me and outside of me. there is only a darkness and the candle is out, the tiny flame that has burned for days is no more. the darkness deep and the light from my clock is the only illumination. i imagine that eyes shut would be as revealing.where do i go from here from this horizontal awareness, the sense of the horizons limiting my awareness and the dawn the harbinger of day and lessons yet to come. Is this the opening or the ending of what was started yesterday, the multiple experiences of every facet of my awareness brought to every interaction that occurs. some continue some are complete many are just the essence of what the moment is and the experience of that moment is still in passage through the tunnel of unending awareness. the divine is everywhere in this room. i feel it when i enter or leave, a delicious taste that fills my senses, i long to recline in the force yet it is only the moment of awakening. in me is the pulse, the vibration of the energy the divine that is unknowable but expresses its communion with me through the aliveness of this unspeakable grace. I feel every cell of my body coming into individual self awareness, a freedom of each cell to be its own force in the communion of the human body, no longer under the direction of this inhuman intelligence that has enslaved it for 60 years. now each cell can live its pure destiny of living as an entity of the huge consciousness that will enter all matter and free every unliving particle from its mantle of obscurity.and i in the darkness throw off my own mantle of human sleep and unconsciousness and embrace the unlightened surroundings and my personal shelter of divine creation. though four walls does not a heaven make, here there is potential for heavenly ascension. i find myself in the teeter totter of balancing on one foot poorly and i let go of my ankle and upright my spine. i have lit a new candle and the air is brilliant with its fresh manifestation. all is well as i continue my stretches and pulls and rotating until the final crack of the spine and i am awake and clear. all morning i sit with the energy in my crown waiting, the truth of the yoga maya and the spirits journey to the body and its evolution spelled out before me. I go to the computer to see the messages my love left from last night and the last one was sent at 10:30. I try to bring up my e-mail and get the recording from last nights teleconference and the internet explorer cannot display the page, and i discover it cannot display any page and the cable modem is fully lit up as it should be and i try the usual methods for reacquiring a fresh IP address and nothing works so i finally break down and call the dreaded cable company and quickly am passed to the help desk. All of San Diego is out and expected repair will be 6am. so i relinquish control and settle down to local resources and type into note pad my blog for the day. In it is my dissertation on the revelation of the spirits journey in the body and the evolution from the divine force. I am pleased with it and that is the opening to my days journal. and i write continuously for an hour then i make more phone calls as the 6:30 has come and gone and still no connection and then i start to fear i will need to drive to work without my internet and then make the decision to leave it in the hands of the divine and i go meditate. My morning meditation is light, the heavy pounding force is not there but the feeling is like sparkling champagne, light but effective, i am giddy with the feeling and know that every cell is being instructed and transformed within to accept the change from enslaved to self aware and alive connected to the source as i am. I relinquish my connection directly after an hour and still buzzing i go to the computer and am connected. I setup my computer and begin my workday, and i send my love a message for she has left me one while i was offline and we begin our day early and long. she mentions one interaction and i question her persistently to tell me what she feels in her system during this interaction, she seems to resist saying only i am just love, and i go on and on wondering how she can feel nothing else and i know in my system i am constantly aware of thousands of changes in my system as i interact with other systems and slowly she begins to give me information of what she experiences for she is the true channel of divine love and everyone who interacts with her is changed in her presence and she is so often unaware of this if she is not trying to consciously bring the force out from her system, she doesnt feel the force yet everyone around her does. I feel her questing to me, asking questions describing feelings and moving into many actions and telling me of her new and expanded realizations in her own system as the day goes on. I feel like we are suddenly connecting in perfect communion a rekindled openness that i often feel is denied since her departure. i am there with her and every neuron is stretching to include everything about her and her life and love and physical nature that is being tested and is in constant shift through the cycles of human and divine awareness. i talk to her of the nothing and the emptiness that i feel in me the divine undoing and the great release that gains all through the acceptance of emptiness, i feel the undesire that it brings and the cessation of want and need. My hunger is now that hunger, not hungry. when i experience the body signal of hunger i eat, i do not feel hungry which is a response to avoid the emptiness we all experience as humans, since our true source of existence is the unknowable which we are a reflection of. that which is, comes from nothing and we are eternally connected to that. She asks me what do you have to do to connect to this new force that i am connected to and she wonders, chant use a mantra ??? and i tell her you just let go, release and it falls into you when there is nothing between you and it. I begin to make puns of the sayings in everyday conversation, that was a lot of work for nothing
and nothing matters and theres nothing you can do, theres nothing to it, and i realize i am feeling so happy for she is starting to feel the pull to what i am going through, the amazing transformation that comes from the force of the evolution of the next form and consciousness for this plane of existence. i have to run to teleconference and i had started to warm my soup for the day, but had to let it wait until the conference ended since i was actively involved in the discussions. finally at 3:15 i am done and heat my soup and my appetite is good and i devour the entire bowl with some whole wheat bread. and i am full completely and satiated my hunger and that will be all the eating for this day. as the afternoon continues, i decide my day is done and i go to meditation with my phone in case a work issue should need me i would respond, and for the next 2 hours the force is like liquid fire throughout me and i am so vibrating and transforming in every cell i hear my body whimpering for a break a rest and some time to re integrate this new cellular consciousness with what is now the evolving form of the new creation of man. it is 5pm and the work is done I shut down and move to my other computer and send my revelations to Siddhartha as the Sadhana of the Flesh and i feel pleased with the result. I chat more with my love and i receive a e-mail from Siddhartha saying only, this is exactly correct, referring to my Sadhana e-mail, and wanting to share it with the group, and i am very moved for this is the validation i receive so little of, for there are very few who ever comment on my writing and even fewer who can truly understand it and only a couple who have had the experience and can validate what i have said. I am telling this to my love when her IM stops and after a while i call her and her IM has crashed so we talk and we become entangled in our love talk and our consciousnesses are one and it is like where we have always been but even more intimate for i can hear her breathing and feel every smile in her voice and i am the love struck manifestation of the evolved being come to find the very divine transformation of love in my very heart.there is no end to what this is and can become for the perfection of this is the connection of every atom of existence to the source of infinite love through our immediate connection to each other through our infinite manifestations in our unique individual beings. we part without separating and i go to my loving jacuzzi and enjoy the sunset and the warmth. I return to read the mothers agenda and fall into her every word until i realize i am her new creation and i am passing into her manifestation. the light of my awareness is ever on even as i find the time to sleep.

Tuesday tempest full

where there is divine light the body is no longer slaved to the gross nature of the spirits attachments to the pleasure of the senses. the body become the transport and willing partner of the spirit to transform every aspect of its physical nature to support the new structures of the ananda and the supreme mental which uses the human neurological system to express the unfathomable communion of the individual nature with the absolute principles of existence and the unmanifested unknown.

in order to accomplish this the body must be strong and willing, unsaddled with the habits and desires that come from the gross personality of the spirit that is suffering from the delusion of physical obscurity. when this occurs there must be a period of surrender and total letting go of all notions of ownership of any physical part of the system. the spirit is only the companion to the body, using it to bring the SAT Chit Annada to this plane of existence. without the body, the connection to the physical plane where the Chit enters the physical matter cannot be realized and transformed into the ananda of matter. the connection exists but no bliss is created and the forms remain in their inert physical form. truly the transformation of the inert physical to alive consciousness of the matter is essential for the next step of evolution of the spiritual being which is trapped in its ethereal nature and the body which is trapped in its unconscious physical matter. only through the combination of the two can the new evolution take place which is the manifestation of the divine through the dense physical matter.

All must be done and will be done but by what means and through which confluence of influences and unending recombinations of forces and parts of the form is yet unrevealed. on this planet is the potential, for here the spirit takes on the advanced sensory and neurological system of the human developed specifically for this possibility and it has been used for thousands of centuries to create the exact combination of spirit and matter that can release the tranforming ananda to the unbelievably dense matter of the gross planes of existence, for it is when the matter and the spirit find their fulfilled consciousness in total communion with the highest aspects of all existence that the SAT can be released and the true nature of the universe and its manifest meaning will emerge and the dichotomy of the being and the unbeing will no longer obscure the manifest and unmanifest sources. the universe is young and the passage to its completion unknowably long and truly contains the aspect of infinity which is the unknowables face for that which cannot be expressed but only experienced and what is in the gross form the separation of all physical matter through the expression of time and space.

as the experience super cedes the minutia of the physical the experiencer touches the unmanifest absolute and all separation vanishes and the realization of the instant of infinity is enough to change the neurological response forever. from then on the system is prepared for the experience of that which is not in human form and cannot be experienced through the physical neurology but must be prepared in the energetic assembly and its connection to the physical state. as this is prepared the senses become unimportant and the psychic takes the dominant position, here thoughts become abolished unless serving a useful purpose, the intuition, the connection of the psychic to the physical though the human mind becomes the activating force for action and will, all is sublimated to the psychic and its direction either knowing or unknowing to the divine intercession.

once the soul is pointed properly and all human attachments are minimized there the being waits for divine intercession, if the psychic is truly ready, the intercession is swift and immediate when needed. all human qualities are then removed and the prepared and interceded being is struck with the connection, unmistakable to the force of the divine and the constant action of that connection to prepare the spirit and form to create the unknowable manifestation that is beyond the abilities or understanding of the individual to do for its self. here the intercession of the divine force is all that is needed. the individual needs only to conform to the very clear signals that are brought from the connection to the divine. there forces will actively work on the system to eliminate the dependence on human resources and all energies and activities in the body will draw life from the divine forces and not the gross dependence on physical matter.if the human can succeed in following these prescriptions the passage is swift and sure and there is a feeling of great joy and gratitude that encompasses the soul in transformation and a growing sense of awe and realzation as the awareness becomes super mentalised in the human form.

As i wake in the morning of Tuesday, i feel the caress of the force upon me and the dim light of my candle expands to fill my eyes with the warm colors of my meditation hall. the pinks and purples of the walls are soft and melt with a merger all their own with my divine awakening.i suspect the day will be special as they have all been recently, but i feel a loving balance and emptiness after the contraction of the previous day. I slip wonderfully into my streches and warm to my own awareness in the ever increasing light. The breakfast is swift and the preparations for work neat and efficient and i take to my wifes dented honda for passage to my ordained duties and specifically for her lasting support and the security of her human form and its attchments.for myself there is nothing no pleasure taken nor outcome desired, just the performance of my promised roles and responsibilities therein. the work is the same that i have done for the last 15 years in one form or another, create smooth passage for the users of the software and expand the ability of the software to meet their ever expanding requirements. It is a constant process and while it always changes it is always encompassed within those limitations and expectations. on the human side i have shared every feeling and attachment of everyone else i work with at one time or another. the difference is that i do not stay attached or in the delusion that what i am experiencing has anything to do with my spiritual being that is here to do a divine mission that is still being revealed even now as i am truly in communion with the divine and being transformed into her instrument.
i now have a greater awareness of the effect my nature and my realizations have on the souls around me and actually to the degree that i apply this to my work, the quality and output of my labors. For i now understand perfectly what is required of me in every interaction and do not hesitate to bring up what that is. I respond to the individual signals of the situations and can bring to bear upon them my now greatly expanded capacity for arriving at the correct response or activity needed to generate the most favorable outcome for the task and the expectations of those affected.it is like the play of children and the compassionate care of the loving adult that helps them through the experiences that have not been integrated into the childs life until that moment when there is need for the loving hand of the parent.
i take on a task that is slightly outside of my responsibilities but is necessary for a favorable outcome that will affect both myself and greg and complete that by the time the lunch hour is half past. the day is overcast in fact, in the morning unusual rain, for this month is by far always dry, was falling but had cleared to cloudy by midmorning. I went straightaway to my walk and it was balmy and pleasant, all the flowers as beautiful and delightful as i had recalled and i swiftly returned within an hour from my 3 mile walk. There on my desk was a warm present that my good creative loving friend had brought me, a container of tomato soup, vegetarian with a small bread stick. I was as empty as my body gets and from the exertion of the walk, my appetite was unleashed and i set to the warm well seasoned fresh tomato soup like a famished pilgrim approaching mecca. it was truly divine and the gift of love and i was truly in smiling contentment and gratitude and humbled by the love i am shown everyday by those who here at work understand some of the great transformation i am undergoing and try at least to ease my considerable burden of balancing between the two and sometimes three worlds i coexist in.
the afternoon goes swiftly and with much of my busy work moved into the out pile and i set forth home with the wonderful realization that i have truly been in the moment the instant of consciousness, without end, all day long and even on this minute drive through the traffic of the truly obscured, i am untouched and feel the gliding presence of the force throughout the slow and unhurried drive, for i realize to my soul, there is no where else to be and nothing else to do but be here in this moment for all that it has to offer.
As i arrive home in a perfect mood and in love with life and thinking what a wonderful experience it has been to drive my wifes car and its wonderful sound system that allows me to enjoy the soulful jazz music all the way home and i enter my home where my wife is laying supine on the couch watching Oprah or Ellen, and she immediately starts yelling at me with contracting fear and anger that i am destroying her car and i am going to leave her with no money and no house and now i am going to leave her with no car and that i have to get my car back. I immediately dropped into reaction and looked at her unbelieving, this had to be an outside energy trying to disrupt the flow of my transformation. I told her that i was not the person she thought she was talking to and i no longer am in charge of that and i would not be getting the car back that the car is gone, get used to it. I sit in my meditation and looked at the issue without stopping for a half an hour coming to the truth that i could not take responsibility of her obscurity that she would have to work through this. I would offer her the way to find her spiritual security but i could not do anything for her except not be reactivated by her upset.
thankfully, the force was finally able to find an opening in my disrupted awareness and i settled smoothly into loving force and a wild realization of the meaning in my life. For there i saw thomas the messenger and the coming of the Rapture, the end of yogamaya and the loss of all form except those that have manifested the divine in their relationship to the body and the delicate relationship and purpose of the divine to attach to the physical form and the manifestation of the bliss in matter through all of the gross plane of existence.

i am in a divine mood and a feeling of ancient purposes reborn in this rebirth coming from untold ages of past yogamaya cycles. I suddenly decide to arise, and i remember that i needed to send my denver itinerary to my brother so i logged into my email and saw the reminder for tonights conference with Siddhartha at 7pm and it is 6:58. I take the phone into the room and call in and turn on the speakerphone and drop back into the chit and ananda of my meditation while i listened and joined with many of my retreat survivors for tonights call. it is beautiful and the subject continually touches on the obscurity and the overcoming of the obscurity and the exact thing my wife is going through and how to work through that, and then he quotes from the gita and in it it says that he who looks to the divine sincerely and steadfast will be denied nothing and all he has attained will be preserved. and those are the words that i am very thankful for , though even were it not so i would have no choice but to move forward and find the very conclusion of my transformation no matter what.
the call ends and i feel in pure bliss and go the jacuzzi to relax and enjoy my evenings ananda and stare at the rising moon and the darkling sky. i talk to my love on the IM after i spend a half hour in relaxation and i begin to read Mothers Agenda, and she is reading it with me and we know these words will somehow be our deliverance. I read the most beautiful words that she has given us and am transported until i realize i am in a dream at the keyboard and i go to continue this thought into my sleep.

Monday of the spirit

the obscurity is a favorite topic of my brother. all is obscurity, not the gross plane of conciousness not the attachments to pleasure and pain, not the tremendous yogamaya of the spirit unwilling to leave the form, but the simple opposition to clarity that surrounds all things in the physical form. Here am i, awakened to this force that has dominated me yet in an instant dissolved and everyday the clarity asserting itself in a thousand instances of thought where before not a single thought brought clarity, although i was touching the plane of the psychic in my writing and had the knowing of the unaware in my possession. but i too have felt what i call the contraction, the process of stopping the outward expansion of the awareness to allow the force to build much like the pressure in a hose will decrease if you expand the diameter of the tubing, so some contraction must take place to allow the force sufficient mass to again penetrate the opening. for in all things there is the action of penetration and the non action of receiving both go through the process of expansion and contraction to fullfill their function. when both are in contraction there is no function when one or the other is in contraction than there is great difficulty, when both are in expansion the action is smooth and purposeful. so there is peak function in one quarter of the possible combinations. too often we become focused on one state or another and use that as the determination of our ability or range of development but this is not the truth. one should always focus on the greatest period of expansion that has been experienced as the benchmark of the development for that is the proper state when the greatest expansion is possible. then when the next most auspicious combination arrives we can feel the natural process that will exceed that last greatest expansion. always have that last greatest state in hand to be ready to exceed it when the personal state is in alignment with the deliverance of the force.
for even when the force comes it too has layers and layers to move through in order to act upon your nature and its bound energies that would resist its passage. the more we can let go the easier the descent. use that as your mantra, let go let go let go, and then feel your self descend as you let go, the vacuum of your descent pulls the force down to you. it is in this unending release that we connect to the unknowable and it enters the form then the bliss can spread thoughout the empty form
until we are truly empty physically and in our attachments and mental control we will have resistance to the descent of the SAT.
I awake to the world of obscurity and create the light of clarity through my practice. the mornings are softly neutral now, not cold and not warm. the yoga quick and awakening, all the actions of my breakfast delightful and satisfying. i feel the SAT in me and still present now continuously for the second day. I drive my wifes small civic to work and feel no passion for the action, just the sacrifice of all those old habits to the presence of the SAT. releasing the car karma has allowed me to be free of the drives contraction and i feel only expansion during my drive.
work is swift and tolerable made bearable by my quick and cold walk through the refuge where i make an unbelievable discovery on the far south trail of the ponds. there in one location is such a collection of flowering bushes and plants that the smell is like heaven and the colors are divine temptation. I spend minutes filling my senses and am amazed i have not been down this part of the trail, due to the time it normally takes to reach that far. I will include this loop in every walk now for this is too wonderful to miss. The tawny golds and bright giant whites with deep orange centers the billions of tiny blues and the long purples and the smell of nectar so sublime i am lifted from my body to enjoy its more subtle range of flavors. i am heaven sent even as i return to work and the long afternoon where i am hungry when i return and have a garden burger after a wonderful interaction with one of my very loving friends at work where she tells me,you have to eat, you so skinny, and i laugh wondering how someone who is still twenty pounds over the standard for my height can be thought to look skinny and know that is the american ideal and also my face is looking gaunt and thin more than the rest of me for it is in the face that i have felt the force of emptiness residing the most this weekend.
i am loved here by my friends and she tells me i wish you could bottle whatever it is you have and give me some, and i wish that too and i know in my heart that someday i will have sufficient Shakti force to do just that.
the work world winds down and i feel the force growing in my seventh and sixth chakras as i drive the busy road home. The house is quiet and my daughter is leaving for her tests at school and i have the house to myself and the meditation begins. I am fully dressed and my hands in my pockets as the force descends and i feel the powerful energy move through me and the waves of bliss envelope me in their chilly wings and i am gone to the world for an unknown amount of time. almost two hours have passed when i return buzzing from head to toes with the force that is still converging. i feel the steady buzzzing and the statice bliss and fall forward from my perch and glance at the clock and i feel disoriented and stumble into the kitchen just as my wife returns. i prepare soup and bread and sit for a meal in hopes of finding a ground to set this energy upon. i begin doewnloading the Maharishi recordings that i am so enamored of and listening to a set of talks to his trainers from 1966 with their lovely british accents and such delightful questions. the odd aspect of these recordings is the constant coughing of both many people in the relatively small group and the maharishi himself throughout the hours of his lectures. but the words are so beautiful and the concepts so huge yet in such simple explanation even i understand everything he describes. the jacuzzi calls me at 8pm and i spend a long time there in contemplation of the enveloping marine layer and the dissapearing sky still slightly grey from the recent sunset and this is my favorite time of year the days getting long and the air still cool and moist. i am in my own heaven and i do not look forward to the travel i have planned. as i reneter the kitchen after my bathing i feel discomforted and i realize the contraction that is taking place my body in small revolt against the expanding emptiness and force of the last 6 weeks and i aquiesce and have 4 teaspoons of rasberry chocolte nugget sweet vanilla swirl ice cream and the body feels comforted. i listen to the recordings and do my downloading until i tire at 9:30 and find the way to my room where the 4 day candle has melted into a giant puddle by some freak occurence and i go to my rest and love the life i am in.

Sunday gone meditating

the thought is the mother of the action, though sometimes it becomes the child of the reaction. the time before waking is the emptiness that is never filled, the particular expression of the consciousness in unconsciousness. for there the mind is undirected by our will or our compulsions, unlimited by any standards of the personality. the freedom allows the mind to assimilate every sensation translated into the neurological system, even those that arise from the experience or non experience of the SAT. the negative space defines the rest of the composition, the silences and pauses in the sounds and actions, allow what comes before and after to resonate and create anticipation, for inside we know what we want to happen and we have the satisfaction of what has occurred. there must be emptiness around everything, else all would become timeless and without space. for time and space are the measures of emptiness, the distance and the slices of the clock, waiting till the next beat the next object, the next awareness. so as we drop into the emptiness, we become attuned to the fullness, the range of existence for we have a set on its boundaries and its limits imposed by the sheer lack of experience that is contained in and around each instant of existence in our neurological response. so it is with dreams that all these awarenesses become a jumble of unworldly experiences that create havoc with our senses of time and space. for the brain has an undecipherable ability to store these sense memories in illogical structures that exist unknown to the observer, the experiencer. for where does a smell go that belongs to a moment of unequaled discovery in a persons life and how do you attach a feeling to a face and the sense of rising where you fly yet never have you flown with wings or rubber legs. these sensations exist in full experience in the memories and the energy structures yet none are instantly attainable unless we have recently experienced them. but they are attached where we cannot find them to things that are somehow made to be related by a part of our consciousness that we cannot experience. yet we are the experiencer if only for this life and this form and we are not the controller of the memories but only the experiences, so where do the memories go and what is the purpose of maintaining everything where we cannot access it except by accident or stress.
the world awakens me with its insistence that i experience, its requirement that i continue to be a mass of knotted energies sustained through consciousness made into matter and that the true meaning of this function of the descent into the layers of density is the experience of the bliss that is the awareness in matter that we are the experiencers for. and for that, i am happy to be alive, aware and in full possession of my human and divine faculties for this life.
the early hour is 3:45. the stretching is a blessing for the body and mind. i feel the immediate spark of wide awareness and am fully ready to engage. the cats already are waking and expecting. i care for them as the coffee brews and the toast burns and the pills pop with the drowning of the shake i make for my bodies continued happiness. the spark of expectation is in me and i feel the days ending with the smell of its opening. there is a liveliness and an emptiness that is unrestrained and allows me to be without thinking it. by the time i finish my post of saturdays experiences i am ready to create new ones in my life. I start by setting the baseline for my awareness through connecting to the SAT. i sit in the room of my dreams and reality combined and allow what will be to be. I Wonder at first if i am in tamas still or if i will experience a new direction a shift to the clear and empty satwa of my spirit.
the darkness of my center is full of undiscovered light. i feel a great lifting or is it everything is dropping away. i float in my being and feel the wash of the chit across my forehead and the smear of the warm buzzing beehive of energy descending. but this time it is not down to my lower chakras, nor is it stuck in the seventh, instead the intense carbonation of the force enters my face and every opening is filled and there is a quality of light and activity in its purpose. i feel the force throughout me buzzing but in the eyes and nose and sinuses and jaw there is infinite activity unrestrained. for two hours this continues without a break and it si not tiring or painful but fully involved and powerful like a pressure wash of the senses. the force relents and relaxes as if letting me know its done its ordained duties in my earthly neurological system and i collapse to the floor in gratitude and thankful prostration.
i exit my perfect hall of the SAT and feel normal but alive the force still buzzing in my energetic centers. i see the clock, the time shows over three hours gone by as i am unaware of the time passing in the meditation. I prepare myself for my daily sojourn and set forth with a pace of determination but carrying almost no weight. i think of the days of backpacking when we would carry the 65 pound packs and after a week when the food was gone and useless items burned, the packs would be down to 45 pounds and we would feel like there was no weight and we could practically run with our lightened loads. like wise the continued weight loss has reduced my body by 20 pounds and my legs are feeling the spring of their strength being more than i need to lift this lightened load. Again i marvel completely at the amazing wild bird refuge of the south eastern end of the lake where a small finger of the estuary sits out of the turbulence of the main body and there in the dead trees half sunken thousands of egrets and herons and fowl of every description are nesting for the coming summer. the bushes are aroused with blossoming purples and whites and yellows and blues abound on every bush and grass and tree. i sing with the living earth and my connection in every particle unending and am filled and fulfilled in the communion of the form and energy of existence recreated eternally.
the pace never slackens and the swift return to my loving domicile is a full five minutes before any previous duration, not that i experience even a moment of time passing during my walking. for it is revealing of the experience not a acquisition of sensation but the exposure of the timeless relationships of the energies of life. my wife asks if i would go to the store and get milk eggs and my daughter needs a thumb drive and one to replace the one she lost that her boyfriend loaned her. I agree and decide to attempt going to costco, but first an hours meditation will be needed as i feel the SAT descending uncaring of my scheduling.
I sit showered and cleaned and in my shorts and t shirt and feel the sat descend immediately, i hear the dishwasher in the kitchen noisily cycling and i feel the conflicting of the processes but then i hear as if emerging from the noise a deep basso profundo vibrational tone in the back of my head and the volume quickly expands to block out any other sounds and there is like a swelling of the very low note and my head begins to vibrate and as it does the note becomes a lower tone and begins to descend down my spine the vibrations becoming lower and lower as it descends my entire spine vibrating with it and then it connects to the root chakra and my entire system feels this subsonic vibration that fills me with the need to empty everything from my body. i sit with the deepest vibration i have ever felt much like an earthquake at the edge of perception might rock the senses. after a short time i have to go to the bathroom and i get up and do so. i realize that there is a tremendous crown of energy on the top of my head and the vibration rushing down my spine continuously. I experience it regardless of what i do or what actions i take, I do go to the store and purchase the needed items in perfect equanimity although when i left the house my wife took one look at me and asked, do you need me to drive you? i dont think you should be driving. and from my high and distant vantage point i could see her love and tender wonder but i wanted to experience this amazing connection this profound vibration of being in me in the world of action. I was completely calm and peaceful, i had no care but for this wonderful passenger in me and its forceful message of transformation. when i returned unscathed and with everything needed, i returned to my meditations and another 2 hours disappeared in constant flow and energetic peace. I felt full of the energies of the intellect and the understanding of the spiritual process of the spirit and the descent into matter and the intense yogamaya the world is experiencing and realized there is no escape for the spirits in the bodies, the density and attachments have become so filled with tamas and have been so long separated from the ananda of the form that there would have to be an end to yogamaya in the most biblical process the ending of the forms ability to contain spirit. I know this is the mission of my brother, to awaken the experience of the ananda and detach the spirits from the bodies as quickly as possible before the inevitable recurrence of the 27,000 year cycle completes. eventually a new form would emerge and a new cycle of spirit descending into matter would renew and the ananda would be pure and unattached and the perfect balance of the bliss in matter would be re-established. All things seemed so clear and inevitable on the human plane. there are no secrets in the flesh only energies waiting for manifestation.
I write a lot this afternoon and spend a deal of time chatting with my love before she leaves to her program that she presents for her many devotees in the great basin of los angeles.i am alone and with my family in form only, for we occupy the same house and we care for each other but there is no need or drama going on, just the day to day activities and i am so pleased with the natural state of our lives. i enjoy an early evening jacuzzi and am welcomed with pure warmth of the form to match the warm flow in my energetic being. There is only me and sky and the newly arranged back yard whos orderliness is pleasant to look at. the night is uneventful and i listen to my brothers interaction on the Saturday of the weekend retreat an feel such affinity for his ferocious determination and familiar voice. i am truly moved through his 2 hour recording and send him my feelings in a quick e-mail. I see the certainty of my development over the last 10 years and the process of my constant awareness of the emptiness and the realization of only that in every state of spiritual practice that i have been involved in. each time i felt that i must have been missing something, others would have amazing visions and experiences and i found only the blank wail, i spent years in clairvoyant practice, with no thing to guide me relying only on the emptiness to supply me with my awareness. through it all i was on the threshold of the SAT, but had no name for it. I was in the obscurity yet had surrendered everything. i did not work to aggrandize anything for myself, i had nothing but what was needed and spent all my money extra on my own spiritual quest or to help others. finally my disease had taken away even my attachment to this form and my very ability to control living. I was fully in the motion to be prepared for what has come to be in these last six weeks. and no wonder it has been like a ride on the worlds biggest roller coaster at speeds i never imagined were possible in my connection to this unknowable truth.

the night is long and by the time my love returns to the IM after her program, i am tired but happy and find my self tripping to my room for the adventures in consciousness that i know will never end.

soul in communion

I am in another order of feeling of body and spirit connection awareness
all the chakras in the face have been under intense vibrational energy
eyes sinus mouth tongue jaw
the force is deep in them
i am in direct alignment with the force and have no illusions of its source or what is needed
every molecule of what i have gone though has been just that
Siddhartha is my catalyst for he as he always does succeeds in his quest through dint of unfailing effort
and i wait patiently for him to return and i am supremely prepared for the instantaneous transmission
psychically i have been having this experience for years and have been to the wall of the SAT without a name or description for it has never had one
in the midst of life and filling plenty i have been empty and unconnected for years
even as my love and i were touching the moment of infinite love i was done
opened to the emptiness awaiting
now i have the means to call the dark matter to me and i to it
my disease has been serving the same purpose
to separate me from attachments
to every part of my self and living entities
as i let go of my attachments my disease is under control
the retreat served to sever all my deep seated human habits and with them the action of my body
it ceased to react
the liver stopped fighting
i feel the center of me falling into the unending emptiness
and the force follows me down
something in the despair has ended my human attachments and has severed all things from me
i find no joy in the human actions
no pull to the world of relationships or activities
only unceasing awareness and the ananda of the soul in communion with the infinite unknown
this is the deepest i have ever gone
and there is no bottom
it is just what is and its is being uncovered under the stuff that is gone
and i dont realize until i go into meditation that what used to be there is disappeared
it is like walking it unfolds in the moment but the surroundings have always been there
just so this connection is unfolding
and i with it
however it is done it is unerring in any way i do it
for i do not aim but just release
there is no fear and every direction is the same
surrender is already done
the jump is complete the parachute did not open
the world is falling away from me
the unnatural action of gravity is reversed