Thursday come changing

i cannot express in words the power of this transformation that powers my every thought action and revelation of new states of consciousness. how this came to be and where it is going are constant states of contemplation that unfold without end. for i know truly now that the present changes not only the future but also what has passed.for what is the past or future except the present returned, we experience the past and the future as a present state, it is completely in our control and when we have the experience in the now that brings us premonitions in the past that is the now changing the past but our sense of spatial awareness doesnt reveal it to us until it happens. the same with the future
the ripples of the effect expand through the pool of experience and time sits atop moving in the push of the experience. all is changed but we have already experienced the change and think of it as the past filled with coming portents we do mot completely understand. so in the present all things ar available, and we can choose to change any of it as long as we are completely connected to the divine source of our being. this allows us the access to the energetic record of our lives in all directions. from the point of view of the physical plane of consciousness without the aid of the divine we are only in the instant of perception and the past and future are like concrete and are inaccessible.
this morning i am up at the hour of 3 and all things seem just beginning their dream cycles. the very air seems asleep and i step into it gingerly lest i awaken the children of the night too soon. i tip toe through my yoga and wander down the dark hall to the kitchen filled with the night. the many small red and blue leds of the computer and stove and night lights fill the air with a movie like feeling like a set is constructed and lit just for the cameras. i walk in on cue and twist the bulb in the over head ceiling san assembly for the pull cord is long dead and the new gas filed bulbs have no tiny carbon filaments to heat or break. so twist is all that is needed and the light of 13 watts expands my vision.
there is no change but in me and i perceive every living molecule at rest and in stages of excitement. i feel the electrons escaping and collapsing in their dance around the gigantic neutrons, the passage of the protons as they stabilize their charges and the infinite play of existence to support this maddening play of false reality and magical experience, for truly we are the machines made real and discovering we are machines but then we truly are the creators of the entire madness. where does reality begin and the falsehood end. in this world there is no end
we become that which we believe we are and nothing more, our every whim another vast possibility for obscurity and its unending play of repetition in different combinations of matter unliving and devoid of meaning. where the body says i need there is an untruth, even the hunger and the disease and the pain and the dying are unreal to the spirit. in the throes of dying the spirit is untouched and is in wonderment.
the passages of the soul are the only recording of these lifetimes and the memories are the moments when only the spirit is alive and all else is reduced to unimportant background for the play of the connection to cosmic truths. when we post this experience to the soul it hungers for the truth and imprints its connection into its ethereal fibers. when we arrive at those moments we can look both back and forth to those moments we have experienced and to those that we will and all are as one point in the universe where all things come from and where all things go to find fulfillment. our imagination is the only tool that can bring these realizations into being for the logical mind cannot hold eternity and the instant together without collapsing. let that which we imagine become our reality and we will be closer to the truth of correct action in this incarnation than anything else that comes from our conscious mind. the tiny fraction of the brain that our conscious uses is the key to the import of what we think we know. it is in the unconscious activity that the reality lies unthought and unaware yet filling us with its empty ideas.there is the path to the soul and the release of all untruth for the acceptance of our divine destiny to bring the life giving ananda into the matter of this physical plane of energetic existence.

the thursday life is the new one day at work for the second portion of the week, as wednesday is the new time stop, where the soul remains fixed in time and space and does not wander through man made streets to test the role of fate in its life. greg is here and the car is swift and sure. we talk endlessly as i cannot stand the radio and its subliminal messages of propaganda devised by small minds long dead. at the daytime home of hundreds of individuals we are among the very first to arrive and there are many wishful feelings still floating in the air from last nights departures. i feel the frivolity of drinking and the expecation of sex and deeper there is the morose realizations of the endless repetitions of the form and its patterns of obscurity in every action.
i will dwell little on the world of work and its formulas for failure and the untold remorse for the years spent in meaningless motion and patterns of thought. rather i will forward to the instance of divine intervention during the only expansive period of the day, lunch. where i do not walk but i fly on feet of gossamer wings to my escape and retreat each day. there i plunge forward through the ponds and i see the 5 foot heron who stands brown and blue on his long legs and wide breast and sloping beak a foot long. he stands without moving before me on the trail, and i sense a deep welling of awareness in his unmoving glance as i walk cheerfully by. i turn the corner at the widest pond and take the small side trail that is the viewing area for the small island that sits in the middle of the pond, today the birds are absent but the air is warm and breeze mild and i sit to take a moment to meditate as i always do to reconnect to my divine messenger and the litany of transformation through the descending of the force. i sit close my eyes wonder for a couple of seconds how soon the force would come as i only wanted to sit for a few minutes so i would not be late returning to work and in that instant, i was grasped by the very roof of my consciousness, as if there was a handle affixed to the very top of my awareness and i was yanked forcibly from my body. in that split instant, my feet slid jerking forward, my head fell with a audible thud to my chest, my arms slumped and bent sideways and i was suddenly seeing a dark and swirling energies landscape of immense proportions and then everything went blank. the next i knew i was back looking out of my partially closed eyes watching my feet jerk spasmodically beneath the bench and i was suddenly back to the dark world and blank. this shuttered a few times back and forth until i momentarily could grasp myself in my head and struggle to open my eyes fully. time had passed i could tell and i was not seeing what was in front of me but was instead and also looking at something unseen behind my forehead, i could feel the focus there and not on what i was staring out at. the feet were turned at strange angles to the ankles and my shoulder was slumped almost to the bench my hand splayed to either side. I wrested control back and stood shaking, realized my body was in shock, heart pumping, breath racing sweating. i nervously began walking trying to get my feet to fill but somehow my feeling was my feet were in my knees and my eyes were still behind my forehead. i shuffled as only the unliving can at least a mile and a half back to the office. There i felt my own fear mentalized with the collective fear of the many occupants of the building. i felt trapped in my body just as they felt trapped in their lives. greg looked at me and said you look scared man. what happened. and i tried to explain but no words could convey the horror of my body being ;loosed of its consciousness and feeling the absolute separation from all purpose and control. the body was in shock and i stuck partway between the living and the dead. i tried to eat food in hopes that would quell the anxiety and groundlessness of the form but it made a lump in the stomach and created more disease. i was forced to sit through a meeting with its only saving grace being that it was only greg i and one of our more ironic coworkers all in total despair of the task ae were discussing, and something in that shared despair kept me from feeling unwelcome in this strange unliving state. after the meeting i was trying to reengage my system but nothing worked. i was in my office with three others and they all knew of my condition but really had no concept of what i was experiencing, they were masters of cruelty and obscurity and their mere presence was frightening me and i looked in every direction for escape. then i was thrust the keys to a lexus that my boss had left at work the day before when he went to beverly hills to purchase his mid life crisis m6 bmw and needed me to drive his ancient Lexus to his house on my way home. in a panic i loaded my stuff in his car grabbed his gate key and waited for greg to get his car and follow me. I could still not focus on the images my eyes were sending but i was aware of them. i drove slowly and maintained the exact distance necessary from the cars around me and drove unsteadily for 15 miles through the freeways and boulevards of southern orange county, often forgetting ewhat i was doing or where i was but somehow getting it together for each turn and move of the traffic. i relieved parked in the driveway and exited to gregs vehicle, where a scared little boy looked out the window until he could escape to his meditation crib. i was frightened and could not feel the force that had been my constant companion for weeks, but once i sat it immediately descended and i was sure i felt the cool and compassionate hand of the mother on my forehead, easing my shaking sense of reality and calming my worried mind. the force descended and rose to a fever pitch until after two hours i felt expanded and returned and burned through to my very cellular structure. i exited to a bowl of soup and the kindness of my home in relative peace and the jacuzzi for bodily comfort.as in all things this was my introduction to the next level, without apologies or preamble, i was tested and while there are no grades i passed the exam in that i left my body with a huge help from the unknown looser of awareness and dividers of being from bodies. it was not until late and after falling asleep listening to my brothers recording and realizing i had not heard a single word that i slept for the first time since early this morning.