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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Monday May the tenth wonder

the mind pales at the break of sleep. the thoughts limpid, liquid, lazing in their opening, not willing to let go of the dreamy quality that is the natural state of the mind. i seem to remember the sounds of singing and light from a source not of this earth and then a descent as fading images evaporate behind expanding awareness darkness, candle light still flickering casting the first thoughts into the glow of the air almost visible in the warm atmosphere. i see the clock at 4am and hear the silent hum of my connected being the vibrational energy that sits stirring inside me all the time. i feel the cord to the infinite and to the self and both together expanding and retreating through my consciousness. the neurological system integrated where nothing else can the synapses release chemicals and the universe exchanges instantaneous integration of the principles of existence and the human matter of starting the body energies from deep slumber and flowing revitalization.
i stand in my underwear grateful and fascinated that my existence is so filled with amazing treasures of living a fully human life. My thoughts reach to my calendar and know i am up to do my purpose for this day, to go to my work and be present for a presentation by our VP. Then dentist at 2pm and the rest is meditation. i feed and release the cats fix my toast prepare my shake and vitamin and extracts. I enjoys every instant of my eating and drinking and contemplating the dark and the coming light. i am holding my ascension dear to my heart and feeling the change in me more and more. the place i sit is the nexus of my awareness but the source is somewhere around me, in every point of existence is the connection to the infinite aspect of awareness and the source the channel of the pure consciousness of my newly opened awareness. this is the time of my life the mountaintop atop all mountaintops that opens before me the aspects of all existence and the unending unity of being.
i prepare the way before me and take my loving wifes small honda to drive as i have let my beast go to its true master and feel so perfect in its exchange. the tiny engine slides perfectly through its automatic gears and i drive steadily at the speed limit though the tiny car warbles below and above the set speed depending on the spinning of the rubber bands in the transmission. i am pleased and the jazz music sounds like i am in a concert hall, her perfect stereo is such a wonder, for in my old beast the radio is drowned out by the loud engine and the factory system is far inferior to this alpine stereo. the music captivates me with its ingenuity and soulful mastery. the hawkins and coltranes the downbeat and brushes riffle with every nuance. soon i am there where i always am, the buildings not too imposing and the familiar halls and windows. I do feel a kinship with this place and the halls are empty at this hour except for the VP who i have worked for 7 of my last 10 years. i feel a tremendous love for him, he shows up as early as i and leaves every night much later, weekends and holidays always on the job. I am filled with the signal to let him know my feelings and a few minutes later as he walks by on his way to get coffee i stop him and express my appreciation of all he has done for me and for everyone in this department and my true gratitude for his efforts and finally that i may not always understand what it is he is doing but i always trust that he does. I can see the slight amazement and also acceptance of my short speech and the feelings so clear behind the words and he truly takes may hand and pats my shoulder and tells me he truly appreciates my support and it means much to him. I feel complete in my interaction and happy i could express myself as perfectly as i wanted to. The morning continues with a feeling of singular love and happiness focus and joy i am in perfect control and connected to the infinite of this awareness while in my individual consciousness. the world feels perfect and i in it and beyond it.

The meeting is fun, i ask many questions but everyone else is silent for the most part. i feel connected to the man who is responsible for all of us and all our livelihoods and i support him from my smile and my heart as he presents his 5 year vision for our department. the multi multi million budget is quickly gone through and our goals and objectives made real as only top executives can see them and i feel gratified that i am part of such a earnest vision and work. yes i feel empowered through my love for what this man is trying to accomplish and appreciate the complexity of his vision. I am very glad i came in to see this in person.

Soon after i meet with my director and explain the perfection of my state today and demonstrate my love and focus for him and for all things he brings with him in his life here at work and at home. he still cannot understand the car and my giving it away and the no attachments and never will he feel the freedom i am experiencing. I pass the time sending him messages of support and caring and gratitude and then leave for the day to run to my dentist. my new crown is waiting and i am pleased no end with the all my teeth match and would do justice to any bohemian with a cup of espresso tattooed on his teeth.
i wing home happy after the 2 hours of cleaning and xrays and fittings, and discovering i am the happy recipient of a large refund from my insurance company for the crown, which we all thought would not be covered.

Meditation is my middle first and last names. I sit and let the day recede, and i slowly feel my entire being fill with a powerful energy until i feel like a light bulb lit and glowing. there is no downwelling force no deep pulsation just a fullness and a light filling. I feel plugged into the source completely and just filled with the universal energy. for two hours i am a shining being filled with pure peace and joy for my new untroubled connection. I emerge as the light is fading from the day and the can of soup and a piece of sourdough bread is warmed and i give thanks for soup and bread and know this alone could sustain me for the rest of my existence. I pass the next hour in contemplation and listening to MMY on the states of consciousness and questions from a philosophy professor asking how do i experience and remember the state of pure consciousness and is Pure consciousness always the same or is it always different. and Maharishi say no no no always you should be experiencing it is a spontaneous state and not to be remembered. Like when you take a bath in the morning and all day you are feeling refreshed. you are not always remembering you have taken a bath but still you are always feeling refreshed and that is the same with the experience of pure consciousness from meditation, you are not remembering what it was but you are always feeling the effect and that is how it works. and on and on and on. i so love his little voice with such infinite understanding and patience. I truly am modeling myself to be able to communicate the infinite and here is one of the modern masters of this divine messaging.
the meditation cushion is calling and i sit, this time to pure stillness and i feel nothing and think nothing for an hour, no light comes on no energy moves but i feel the door way and the stillness of the movement without moving and the opening with no change but i am there and the hour passes like minutes. and then i hear my wife rattling and i go out stable happy pure and hug her as greg walks in the door late and tired i can see and we hug for minutes and the energy is between us refreshed and i go to my jacuzzi and sit in contemplation, looking at the little hanging stained glass hurricane lamp that pam received for mothers day sitting on the new little bistro table before me and wish someone would light a candle within it and i could enjoy its colorful glow.
at 9:30 i am passed to my love on IM and we chat until i feel my mind slipping and she is laughing at my bad spelling and i say goodnight and the evening slips between the covers and the pillow and the world is right and fully present for me.

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