Monday of the spirit

the obscurity is a favorite topic of my brother. all is obscurity, not the gross plane of conciousness not the attachments to pleasure and pain, not the tremendous yogamaya of the spirit unwilling to leave the form, but the simple opposition to clarity that surrounds all things in the physical form. Here am i, awakened to this force that has dominated me yet in an instant dissolved and everyday the clarity asserting itself in a thousand instances of thought where before not a single thought brought clarity, although i was touching the plane of the psychic in my writing and had the knowing of the unaware in my possession. but i too have felt what i call the contraction, the process of stopping the outward expansion of the awareness to allow the force to build much like the pressure in a hose will decrease if you expand the diameter of the tubing, so some contraction must take place to allow the force sufficient mass to again penetrate the opening. for in all things there is the action of penetration and the non action of receiving both go through the process of expansion and contraction to fullfill their function. when both are in contraction there is no function when one or the other is in contraction than there is great difficulty, when both are in expansion the action is smooth and purposeful. so there is peak function in one quarter of the possible combinations. too often we become focused on one state or another and use that as the determination of our ability or range of development but this is not the truth. one should always focus on the greatest period of expansion that has been experienced as the benchmark of the development for that is the proper state when the greatest expansion is possible. then when the next most auspicious combination arrives we can feel the natural process that will exceed that last greatest expansion. always have that last greatest state in hand to be ready to exceed it when the personal state is in alignment with the deliverance of the force.
for even when the force comes it too has layers and layers to move through in order to act upon your nature and its bound energies that would resist its passage. the more we can let go the easier the descent. use that as your mantra, let go let go let go, and then feel your self descend as you let go, the vacuum of your descent pulls the force down to you. it is in this unending release that we connect to the unknowable and it enters the form then the bliss can spread thoughout the empty form
until we are truly empty physically and in our attachments and mental control we will have resistance to the descent of the SAT.
I awake to the world of obscurity and create the light of clarity through my practice. the mornings are softly neutral now, not cold and not warm. the yoga quick and awakening, all the actions of my breakfast delightful and satisfying. i feel the SAT in me and still present now continuously for the second day. I drive my wifes small civic to work and feel no passion for the action, just the sacrifice of all those old habits to the presence of the SAT. releasing the car karma has allowed me to be free of the drives contraction and i feel only expansion during my drive.
work is swift and tolerable made bearable by my quick and cold walk through the refuge where i make an unbelievable discovery on the far south trail of the ponds. there in one location is such a collection of flowering bushes and plants that the smell is like heaven and the colors are divine temptation. I spend minutes filling my senses and am amazed i have not been down this part of the trail, due to the time it normally takes to reach that far. I will include this loop in every walk now for this is too wonderful to miss. The tawny golds and bright giant whites with deep orange centers the billions of tiny blues and the long purples and the smell of nectar so sublime i am lifted from my body to enjoy its more subtle range of flavors. i am heaven sent even as i return to work and the long afternoon where i am hungry when i return and have a garden burger after a wonderful interaction with one of my very loving friends at work where she tells me,you have to eat, you so skinny, and i laugh wondering how someone who is still twenty pounds over the standard for my height can be thought to look skinny and know that is the american ideal and also my face is looking gaunt and thin more than the rest of me for it is in the face that i have felt the force of emptiness residing the most this weekend.
i am loved here by my friends and she tells me i wish you could bottle whatever it is you have and give me some, and i wish that too and i know in my heart that someday i will have sufficient Shakti force to do just that.
the work world winds down and i feel the force growing in my seventh and sixth chakras as i drive the busy road home. The house is quiet and my daughter is leaving for her tests at school and i have the house to myself and the meditation begins. I am fully dressed and my hands in my pockets as the force descends and i feel the powerful energy move through me and the waves of bliss envelope me in their chilly wings and i am gone to the world for an unknown amount of time. almost two hours have passed when i return buzzing from head to toes with the force that is still converging. i feel the steady buzzzing and the statice bliss and fall forward from my perch and glance at the clock and i feel disoriented and stumble into the kitchen just as my wife returns. i prepare soup and bread and sit for a meal in hopes of finding a ground to set this energy upon. i begin doewnloading the Maharishi recordings that i am so enamored of and listening to a set of talks to his trainers from 1966 with their lovely british accents and such delightful questions. the odd aspect of these recordings is the constant coughing of both many people in the relatively small group and the maharishi himself throughout the hours of his lectures. but the words are so beautiful and the concepts so huge yet in such simple explanation even i understand everything he describes. the jacuzzi calls me at 8pm and i spend a long time there in contemplation of the enveloping marine layer and the dissapearing sky still slightly grey from the recent sunset and this is my favorite time of year the days getting long and the air still cool and moist. i am in my own heaven and i do not look forward to the travel i have planned. as i reneter the kitchen after my bathing i feel discomforted and i realize the contraction that is taking place my body in small revolt against the expanding emptiness and force of the last 6 weeks and i aquiesce and have 4 teaspoons of rasberry chocolte nugget sweet vanilla swirl ice cream and the body feels comforted. i listen to the recordings and do my downloading until i tire at 9:30 and find the way to my room where the 4 day candle has melted into a giant puddle by some freak occurence and i go to my rest and love the life i am in.