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Sunday, May 2, 2010

May Day

every action has its price and its defined compensations. the work i must do is a struggle of rearranging my garage, filled to overflowing with the foolish rebuilding of the 66 le mans into a GTO and Greg has stripped the interior to the bare metal and has fiberglassed the floor and all around me are the hundreds of parts that once lived in this beast, the panels and seats and armrests and seat belts and under those are the hundreds of parts from the old 327 that was broken down and cleaned before the new 400 was purchased and installed, and everywhere are the tools for pulling engines and lifting chassis and cutting and drilling and just boxes and boxes and boxes filling the interior of the packed garage, and at the very center of this disaster under the meager table that bows with the weight of the many parts and tools upon it, tucked next to a box of old shoes and the trash that fills the floor, is the lawnmower, with the 5.5 horsepower Briggs and Stratton engine, that i desperately need to cut down the two foot high weeds covered with stickers in my back yard, already the floor of the kitchen has a smattering of the stickery grass seeds that will become a plague when the rains stop in may. I begin the life size chinese puzzle of moving piles and boxes and parts and tools around to create a opening from the table to the garage i move piles and piles across the floor, blocking the second refrigerator and the second pantry, i come to the inner circle of the maze where the heavy lifters of car repair sit folded up, the 2 ton hoist and the 5 ton jack. the hoist is folded with its long legs with hard rollers folded up as if its arms were bent at the elbows and its hands were up by its shoulders. I grab one with my right hand to pull the assembly toward me as it is directly in front of the mower, and i pull hard as i know its heavy, and the unlatched legs comes flying towards me and the hard plastic wheel hits my glasses and forehead with a commanding blow. My glasses go spinning and i see stars in the daytime. i realize instantly what a poor choice of parts i made for leverage and sit down a bit stunned. My head is suddenly throbbing and i reach up to touch it and come away bloody. I search for the bent glasses and put them on, cursing the world and all its devious methods for reminding me i have given up my knowing for the search within. This is the drama that unfolds where man meets matter and is focused on spirit, collisions will occur as the sense of self preservation is traded for faith. my sense of self repair kicks in and i walk swiftly, if slightly unsteadily to the first aid kit in my bathroom. i see the welling and dripping of blood on the counter just cleaned for tonight’s planned festivities and i again curse my luck for being in such a sorry state. I realize the area hit just above the end of my eye, will quickly swell to a full sized bruiser around the soft tissue of my eye socket so i put tissue on it to catch the blood and get ice from my freezer and try to slow the swelling and the bleeding. The cold is a bite to the brain, and the blood runs watery around it. i patiently hold the ice for a few minutes experiencing the reason why you should not put ice directly on the wound, but rather wrapped is some kind of cloth to lessen the chill. i have no time for such niceties and inspect the dripping damage. the cut itself is remarkably straight and not long, the area along the side of the eye is purpled and getting soon as it seems reasonable, ten minutes, i clean the wound and get a butterfly bandage to hold it shut. it has transparent wings, so mostly what people see is just the pad over the cut itself. the strong adhesive pulls the loose skin that collects where most people get botox shots for the crows feet next to the eye. Repaired and now purposeful in my quest i charge back to the garage and quickly with measured actions, move the remaining rolling toolboxes , hoists and jacks aside until i can drag the dirty dusty power mower from its hidden lair. I drag it into the sun and realize, i have never run this machine. the one time it was used it was Raj and his mechanical magic that got it to come to life as all machines do when he puts his hands on them. i am wary of all the switches and pulleys and levers and first check what i do know, the gas tank. Its almost empty, but luckily, just this morning, my wife had gotten a can of gas for our sweet empty headed adopted teenager who got to our house in her car before using up every drop of gas. so i had left a quart in the can so as to have some around if need and here it was needed. so i emptied the can into the machines tiny tank and started moving levers and pushing rubbery primer buttons and straightening the push lever and finally pulling the starter cord of course with absolutely no effect. the rough turn of the compressing pistons was a dry sound. HMMMMM ok i am smart i should be able to figure this out. It did run the last time it was out. i see a bar below the push handle that is meant to open the throttle and close when you let go, a safety device i am sure designed exactly for landscape enthusiasts just like myself. I pull that bar, and then pull the starter rope and the engine cuffs with white smoke a few times. Gas is going to the cylinder and is being turned to smoke. good sign. I yank again and the little demon chugs angrily to life, daring me to push it around as my appointed grass destroying minion., i let it run a minute running full bore and then shut it off, i roll it to the backyard where the sticker and burr grasses are in full control, i again yank the cord and the beast springs into action, i have set the wheels to their highest setting as the grass is knee high and quite daunting to me. The mower goes at the offending weeds and cuts them as well as a barber cuts hair, leaving a manicured trail behind. soon the area from the edge of the concrete to the back corner of the house is cut and then i begin the back side where the small green vines covered with tiny round burrs grow in unchecked profusion. it tears into them stalling occasionally with the mouthfuls it tries to eat. each time it restarts with a simple yank of the cord, i am truly the master of the machine, and suddenly, thwank cough die, i hit a submerged piece of lawn equipment from the 1970s, a free standing sprinkler device, of course made of metal. It is flung across the yard and the motor will not turn, I up end the mower and see a piece of twisted metal, the stand for the sprinkler, smashed and bent and stuck in the blade. I bang it loose and make sure the blade turns. I upright it and zoom away it goes again, then shortly I realize the clippings basket is filled i stop and remove and dump it in the compost pile, return it to the machine as the safety instructions tell me and then, as i yank the cord, a few dry wiffs come from the engine. nothing, no life whatsoever, and that is it , nothing will restart it, a definite sign i am done in my one item role as gardening landscaper and i return the valiant beast to its hole beneath the worktable. bloodied and mechanically challenged i none the less am proud of my accomplishment for surely i have all my finger and toes and the yard outside the kitchens sliding doors is now traversable without gaining a host of invaders in your pants. i am treated like a heroic wounded war veteran by my family and i pooh pooh their concerns as my head begins a constant throbbing near where i usually feel the descent of the SAT from my crown. then to the store to buy all the fixings for tonight feast. soon the refrigerators are both full and the pantry restocked. i return and talk to my love on the IM for she is returned to me and to talking and i am so glad, for all is a bad dream on my part and she needs my help to remove some old karmas from her and i accept her needs and set forth to the bank to dispense of these issues once and for all, and as i deposit the funds in her account, the most beautiful clerk asks me if this is for rent and i say no, im just helping out a friend, and she tells me, that is so wonderful, the world needs more people like you, if everyone would be like that we would have such a wonderful world where everyone had a sense of friendship and brotherhood, and i was swimming in the ananda building and building in me and with tears i said, thank you, you are so beautiful, and she blushed and said, oh you just think so, and i said no i can see the beauty within you and it is a mighty heart that is there, and she blessed me and i blessed her and we parted as the closest of lovers and i was filled with tears of joy. I called my love to tell her, and she said that is me in her loving you for ever since we spoke she has been crying tears of love and gratitude and she is the soul of me loving you. And i know i am in perfection in every thing we do together.
The meditation room beckons and i enter in hopes of gaining a small meditation to smooth out this rajas i go under i hear the baby and toddler that are to be in our care while their parents move to their new home. the girl 3 and the baby 9 months. the girl talks as if her brain is connected to her mouth, describing everything she is doing thinking wanting. the baby is all egg headed with huge eyes and teething.
i settle deeper in my pillows and pray for the SAT to return. it is still in my throbbing forehead. finally after a long while i feel the familiar pulsing through my chakras and i block out the pain for my head and sink into the motion of the energy. the baby is put down in the room next to mine and immediately realizes he has no one holding him, the cries become more and more incessant. I hold my space, separate myself from the sounds and exist within. I am mostly successful though not as inwardly quiet as i would prefer. but for an hour of intermittent cries and TV and talking talking talking i am in the SAT and glad. I get up and return to begin my duties, peeling potatoes, preparing the meats and fishes in their marinades and bringing out all the asparagus, artichokes, corn and garlic breads. it will be a fine feast.
I clean the dirty bar-b-q and burn it on high for awhile, then grease and prepare the grills. at 5:30 i begin the cooking, the potatoes bubbling, the asparagus seasoned and steaming, the artichokes in oil and salt boiling, preparing my home made vegetable dip. normally as i rush and organize the 4 entrees and the 4 side dishes and the dips and breads and drinks, i would be having beers to loosen up my psyche and dull my anxieties. but not today, a simple ginger ale is plenty and soon the feast is coming to its convergence. Mashing the potatoes, grilling the chicken and steak and salmon, baking the cod and checking the asparagus and corn. everything finishes at exactly 6:30 and all is removed from the heat ands the dishes wrapped in aluminum foil to keep warm and finish the cooking internally. I slide the garlic french bread into the oven where i have removed the cod. and i sit at last and talk to my love in the few minutes before my son and family arrive. and my daughter is a beautiful madonna with child as she bears the baby around and keeps him deliriously happy and the girl rolls around on the wide floor of the living room watching tv and describing everything she is thinking and pam is looking tired but happy after all the cleaning and babysitting and then my son's family, my flesh and his son and daughter and wife and we are a fully and happy home here and we set to talking and hugging immediately.
i tell him of my recent experiences that he has only heard second hand and of course he loves it and is happy for me. i hug my grand children each with new hair styles and sweet faces. and Maite his wife so beautiful and latino in her heart.

we get all the players together and the babysat children’s parents will be along after their movers and deliveries are done so we set to the food. everyone piles on the food and everything looks wonderful. i eat only vegetables but everyone else has steak and chicken and salmon in some amounts. the garlic bread is delicious. we chat and the little girl joins us as she loves to sit next to lucas my grandson. she is a fully open being, eating and chatting about how and what and why she is eating, covered in chocolate and two spoons and dipping her chicken in sauce as she eats. she is s little delight. as we finish our meal Dan and Julie arrive tired and worn from the move to their new house. soon after, the delivery of the bureau is made, and its is enormous, too big for my room so we load it into the already stuffed garage and talk for a while with greg and joellen, i tell them too about the retreat and what is going on and they find it incredible anyone could stop talking for 6 days, and i laugh saying once you start you don’t want to stop. then we return for the second dinner with dan and julie and the rest of us settle into peach pie and decaf coffee with raspberry and white chocolate ice cream and the decadence continues for another hour until TJ and son and i repair to the Jacuzzi where i turn on the projection tv outside and they enjoy the end of the ball game. lucas looks at the stars above and says " isee a doornob up there, now i am looking for the door in the stars" its a wonderful night and more wonderful in its ending. everyone is hugs and sweet wishes as they take all the leftovers with them and i finally have the quiet of the night left and into the hall with my throbbing head relaxed thanks to my other adopted daughter giving me a pain pill that finally takes the edge off. I slip into the sat strong now and sit until 11:30 when the world and the pill and the meditation all conspire to loose my eyes and i sleep as the truly unconscious between here and there and never stop to dream.

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