Tuesdays child full of action

management of unconsciousness, the last refuge of the controlling nature. for that which we naturally give up we have released control without surrender. this is given to the body for healing or other restorative processes. I find sleep a bothersome chore. it takes a third of my life, it fills me with strange thoughts and ideas, it holds my attention while i am concentrating on getting though my waking life,for what is living but sleeping postponed.and what is death but the big sleep, the dirt nap, the rocky resting home.i have denied myself sleep all my life for the reason that i would rather be awake and experiencing this world, immediately, now and always and i would be the one living not sleeping for in sleep who am i and where am i and what beings are using my neurological system for their own unknown purposes while i am unconscious. the need to be awake has always been paramount for me ever since i became a teenager sleeping through my little sisters self poisoning. At that moment i resolved to never let sleep unprotect my loved ones and i became the defender of all i was entrusted to love in this world. That has kept me on long term guard duty my entire life. now it is as ingrained as breathing. purposely unconscious action.

this morning is no different except as i struggle through the night and glance clockward at long intervals, i realize there is little to afford me by more sleep than the body will tolerate, just as i no longer can eat more than the body needs so i cannot sleep for other than the purpose the body requires. so as 3:30 appears on the tiny lcd screen of my tick tock keeper of the celestial movement of eternity, i arise. today i would get up and do something for this being and not for the combine, the corporation, the funding mechanism, i would by will alone act, i need be to carve out a space here in the pre morning hours for my own salvation and edification. for i had learned long ago that the enactment of personal will for the purpose of the divine creates a ripple in the ocean of the absolute destiny of existence and that becomes the will of the universe and it is made so without question. as the will is exercised so is the universal expansion and manifestation brought forth though individual action. each act of will for a divine purpose expands the influence of the divine in your life.
so as my act i would wake at an even earlier hour to practice what i need for my divine expansion.
my first thought is to meditate, bring down the force and light from on high into this physical form. As i sit and try to adjust so suddenly to emptiness after waking and starting the physical processes of becoming aware and grasping all that is around me, i feel the consciousness buffeting against the wave of awareness in the physical form. Just like trying to shut down a computer while it is booting up can result in a damaged registry as the system writes its instructions and moves things around from memory to disk and from bus to memory, i realize that i need to initialize the system completely before shutting it down. so i directly say, this will be my time to begin my ancient practice of hatha yoga and what better time to instruct the form in its perfection that when it is first writing its instructions to the cells to begin the mitochondraic processes to produce energy and effect the proper division and recreation of the cellular tissues.
i begin the neck rolls, the shoulders, the arms, hips and finally legs and feet ending with a bone snapping joint popping back extension and manipulation that sends rushes of energy up my spine and through my brain, i imagine i am truly doing yoga as i can only afford the pre position warm ups today defending my situation by saying, i need a refresher course on the essentials. but i feel refreshed and started and make my way a little after 4 am to the kitchen of my longing for mornings rituals.and they go sweetly and swiftly to their conclusion and the satisfaction is thrice the normal for my senses are fully blooded and ready.
where there is light there is a source and where there is a source there is a seeker of that source and i am that to this force this power this amazing destiny of divinity that reaches around the world to find me in my exact energetic state and acknowledges my purpose and my contribution and my efforts to be prepared and ready for awakening as this body is for me each day of its existence and for this i am its happy companion. I feel the body like a fat dog suddenly given the correct diet and exercise it has always needed but was consistently denied. that which is natural reasserts itself and the flow of normal functions is optimized and the change is dramatic and accelerates the senses.
this weeks greg-mobile awaits and the monster of the roadway sits in grand style at my doorstep. for one that has lived in the compact and gas reduced vehicles since the seventies this is two cars not one. the trunk could hold a smart car alone and the rest would still overflow a normal parking space in this modern efficiency minded world. inside american excess is revealed in giant lounge seats and legroom so great you must lean forward to reach the controls on the dash. everything is magnified and i feel like a small boy being driven to school by his giant parent. and in the drivers seat greg looks perfectly normal in these surroundings, and i understand what we are made for and why American cars are so much more than the imports for undernourished global inhabitants.
but the ride is the smooth glide of the pleasure yacht and the sound system is full and melodious although this morning we do not use it as i begin a monologue that lasts the entire drive and i find myself recounting the changes of my thought processes and the uplift in my intelligence for understanding the workings of the divine and my recent realizations and experiences of this long past weekend. as we arrive at the office i note that no time has passed in my awareness and that i am able to transcend that construct through use of my awareness and its sharing with the other occupants of my immediate surroundings.
the offices are empty and we begin another dark morning in the lit confines of my second floor office and hidey hole here at my home away from home.
my writing this morning flows like the river of conversation i just competed with greg and again i am unaware of the passage of time and again i fumble with the childlike spell checker of the blog that is like the little slow stepbrother of the ones we are used to in microsoft products. the suggestions are laughable such as unmanliness for unmanifest or the oft repeated (no suggestions) for simple misspellings. I have to not only use the spell checker and also must re read the entire blog word for word and try to catch my missing spellings and grammar. though i never change a word i do replace ones i have obviously left out. I release it to the world and usually i take the time to actually read as if i was the dispassionate soul that had never seen this before and happened upon it during my foolish web surfing while being paid good money by my employer. I am happily pleased by the result and then set to my tasks of the day.
what is love for me but the feeling of perfect fit, the soul in the mind in the body in the environment in affinity with all the other souls around and there i am at peace. and this morning is that day and i know i am exceedingly happy for whatever may come.
and soon i know the Rajas is supreme as i whip through my work and discussions and set up meetings and outline upcoming projects each with force and direction unhampered by laziness or disinterest or distraction. but first, most importantly, a long talk with my beautiful office neighbor and the regards of her most special quality, her shine, the look of her eyes and attention on the world and the nuances of the psychic that she refuses to believe is anything special in her bur she thinks is the same in most people, and i tell her the difference is the degree of manifestation through the personality and in her it is predominant and that is what attract everyone to her not her most divine features, and we talk until she realizes that she does have special awareness and special gifts and it does not go unnoticed and what the uses will become of that gift she carries so perfectly and we part as fine friends and she tells me she so enjoys our conversations and i wish her every happiness in her long life. the i am ready to attack the work as Arjuna should attack his enemies, without quarter or regret.
immediately i call my loving guru and thankfully, brother, to discuss my coming to Boulder as he asked if that would be possible and i have already arranged a week in mid june to join him in olympia. and i have received a gift from my greg to obtain me a flight to Denver for the upcoming silent retreat over the first weekend of june. Siddhartha is delighted and i go to make the arrangements with my loving benefactor.
my days-splitting sojourn to the refuge of the migrating fowl is special today, i am feeling happy and complete and loving, my newly minted body parts, my chiseled consciousness and awareness and the bliss that floats me, where before i was heel pounding now i am tiipy-toer through the tulips of life. I pause to take a short meditation at the halfway bench before a beautiful pond with a reed covered island and birds resting before me. I close my eyes and sit a moment and have the visions detailed in my previous blog entry. the universe and the energies and their progenesis of awareness and the abduction of the SAT into the rapture of experience and how i can choose to end it for my being and settle unmoving into the untouchable unbroken event horizon of the SAT where i am witness to the workings of the parabolic manifestation of the beguiling existence of consciousness. the reverse elevator removes me and brings me back as i have only minutes for this entire revelation to transpire but in my unconscious state i have hours of contemplation without notice of such things.
the walk continues and the contemplation is now dominant and i wander the trails like a drunkard on the mend.
the office supplies me with a half veggie wrap and a small green salad for my troubles and i am so perfectly content after the 3 mile hike i have a wonderful project planning meeting and am especially difficult for my consultants with my quickness and questing of their projections and planned efforts over the next six months.

meanwhile, my love is preparing for her interview and i am sent lovely pictures of her dressed in uncharacteristic black and white and while she looks professional, it is not her and it does not reflect the fire that runs through her heart body and soul. she sends me little snippets of her experience and it all sounds very promising and i wish her well and by then the working is done and the movement is to the land yacht and the smooth travel homeward where i feel the SAT just lightly entering and i holding at bay so that i can be properly situated before it comes full force. for it is strong today and impatient and i reluctant to be under before i can even get to my room. as soon as we put ashore i lumber sea-legged to my cave and change and settle immediately to the crown of warm honey and the descending force filling me like liquid electricity. my head nods forward and the current increases and i stay bent forward for the next two hours as i let the force bend and thrust and manipulate the formations in my system . and i wonder if i could ever live without this divine companion as i have surrendered all else to it. there is no fear in me for i feel only the divine will and it has my life from here on planned and i will be its most loving manifestation of that. the evening is upon me as i exit the hall strengthened and lightened and soup and bread is the supper and i am complete. I set about with greg confirming my travel and then i must run to get supplies for my breakfast needs as i have run out.
by the time i return it is almost 9pm and i realize i have missed the conference call with Siddhartha and while i do not feel unhappy i wonder at my inability to maintain a memory for time and space events that are yet to be. after meditations there is little orientation of time or place remaining in me.
i resolve to get the calls on my calender and hope that will be sufficient to remind me.
my love is having late dinner and we have a few words of our pure supreme amazement at our story book lives and how long this has been ongoing and perfect no matter the distance or the differences in our physical situations we have always been in loves communion. where the wind carries us we are held by all the angels in heaven, souls of one purpose and one meaning shall never be denied the harbor of happiness and solace in this lifes unending travels. where the bed lies so do i and the candle of love is burning brightly and the weight of the blankets fits me nicely and i remember little else.