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Thursday, May 13, 2010

Wednesday Home alone

where are we when we sleep and where do we go when we return.the lights seem brighter on the other side and the passage between the two seems short yet infinity lingers where the two connect. i see my morning as a candles light that seems brighter than a 60 watt bulb when i open my eyes from the darkness. The tall mango colored candle has been burning for 2 days and is only one quarter drawn. my tiny lcd says 3:45 and the air has a neutral feeling neither cold nor warm. I cast off my 6 heavy blankets that cocoon me in my travels through the deepest night and stand for my salute to the form and the aspiration of perfection in the body. let there be limber and free connectivity of my body parts to the whole of my self. let the kinks and aches be loosened and healed. I stumble through the balancing on one foot and weave like a drunken windmill as i go round the sun. but in the end i feel an amazing clarity and alertness unlike my usual first minutes of the early mornings. The coffee decaf and toast raisin and the 20 capsules and tablets and the smoothie of fiber and soy and vanilla orange sicle flavoring is lovely as usual and fill me completely and Greg is here and it is time for him to leave and me to stay for this is the wonderful first day of my new schedule. work from home wednesday and friday. i feel liberated though i love driving with greg and the great conversation and companionship he brings even if not a word is spoken.
I settle to completing my pre work tasks, this blog is number one. I fly though my 4 pages of what i was and from no point is there any connection except through my higher self to the experiences that existed before. i am in the moment of creation as i re experience the flow of my life that now exists only as energy and affected matter. i finish and then set to my appointed duties, handling the many works and tasks that remain from yesterday. for it is now today and the world is still in the throes of yesterdays control, the attachments to what we were doing before sleep interrupted us. I spend the morning in conscious action, go through complicated teleconferences and with gregs help am delivered successfully from all the morass of doership. I soon am dressed for my days wonder of wonders, the 4 mile walk through the lake trail. and this day is magical not for the same trail and scenery and connection but in that i experience the timeless moment throughout the trek,as i realize i am only a block from home i have no sense of time having passed or any effort to my steps that seemed so full of all the vibrant life of the open nature all around me and i remember the life force of every green and colorful being around me melding and uplifting with mine and the full expansion of that force from our communion. i am in a different space and a different experience of my being that is still always and set into the very essence of that which is unknowable. i see the energies in play and realize i am distant from them but supported in my living by them. and where i am is not the living but the experiencing of the i am fully disengaged from the process of being alive yet am fully aware of its nature. i return to the house and shower and change and return dutifully to work and do not rush to meditate though i feel its desire its love its enfolding pressure of delight. i realize that my work, my putting off of the meditation to when i have completed my duties, is like winding the works that increase the compression of the force above me. i know when i do sit there will complete saturation and that is the state i feel every day after work. the immediate descent of the force, the chit, the SAT through my being, into my essential self through my physical energies, vibrating and expanding through all the layers of my density. i love my new life, my new experiences and their meaning that has no words or reasons only unending expansion, ananda and lightness.
I complete my 9 hours and at 3:30 i leave my computer and sit in my location in my filled to the brim room of satchitananda, dwelling of the experience and the physical discomfort that is pleasure intensified. i feel the immediate flow and the initial chunkiness of the force pushing away the energies of the day that have managed to stick to my inner entry point of experiencing.the SAT chitters its way through me like an electric puddle that expands into the pond of endless force looping around and around in my essential eggshaped energy form.
i experience myself as the energy i am and nothing else and two hours pass unknown between except for the discomfort to the physical that moves its legs every so often to relieve the pressure.
i emerge a thinner being, a lighter being, an expanded state of knowledge and awareness. I hear greg returning and am stuck immediately into an e-mail from work that arrived while i was in meditation. i compose the proper response to a ridiculous demand and within a minute the correct outcome is signalled back to me. I feel there is no difference between work and life, it is all controlled energetically and responds immediately to my direction.
i am full of conversation and keep greg involved in a minor monologue of my experiences as a new life form in this body.he tells me his impressions and he is seeing me as truly the new evolution of the spirit. his responses are so loving and i am truly aware of his greatness.
let the night go and the hot tub come and the moments in to the 9pm and there is my loves companion and he is grateful and sweet and loving and i am so filled with my love for his life and sacrifices and devotion and he says they will come to visit and bring me good food to store and eat every day. My love comes on and it is close to 10 and i am almost asleep and type my usual gibberish that i cannot control or see the keys and finally i get some control enough to ask a few questions and connect and say adieu and love and i move to my sleeping corner and feel the warm heavy wrapping of my dense blankets and comforters and slip deep into a slumber that has the point of contact and the entry point to the infinite.

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