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Monday, May 3, 2010

unreflected existence

i feel my energy encircle everything i know everything i care about and as i release from that as i end my knowing and my caring , i sense the anxiety of separation, the worry of the outcome the unleashing of unknown destinies now beyond my control. for truly i have shaped these their lives and trajectories under my heart and awareness. i want so much for no harm to come but i cannot control the destinies the fates the karmas these events must unfold as is their nature and not mine. so in this life i am forgetting and hoping for forgiveness for my forbearance throughout my last 60 years. i am atop a mountain and the world below is westering away from me. i hold only the wind and even the clouds are shredded below me. my emptiness is enough to fill everything i see and the vistas are unending and in me a billion voices rise and every one of them are me and i find a place for them all to rest and be laid down and find the solace of my soul. for in the one divine i am become the none the less than one the other half of what i am beginning to somehow understand is not anything but what i am a reflection of and that is like no other i have ever been. where i stand is underneath the terrifying expanse of emptiness that shrinks this high place to the tiniest pebble on the beach and i unseeable on its surface. yet it is not the distance or the size that terrifies me but the complete lack of it, how do i fit where there is no place to go? how do i move on where there is nothing to touch, not feeling or awareness, no experience or consciousness, for these we have all used up and done everything with them that man in his divine quest can and yet we are still in the cycle of existence and never released from the ends and beginnings of our dramas. the steps we take to get here seemed so large and our existence so rewarding until the rest of what we are remained hidden, unknowable and unreflected in this existence and we are suddenly shrunk to that which is the byproduct of the unfathomable sensed through complete withdrawal into the very basis of being and there we see the projector of existence and the screen of all we have become played large yet in a cave surrounded by what we can never touch.and outside the wild things roam and the night is beyond dark and the earth has no smell of home.

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