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Monday, May 3, 2010

May the second day

Sunday - the morning of resolve
i spend the morning left after my late arising, 6:30, catching up on my previous days adventures and realize that i need to publish these with my day to day blog, as digging to the end of my manuscript each day is hard work for the microwave generation. I blink and its after 9am. My new diet of vegetable and fruit concentrates and soy based smoothies is amazing and i have lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks. i am beginning to feel me inside, like an old favorite toy found in the attic where the paperwork for the summer home got lost and suddenly your ten years old and the world is joy and fun and the time to go play is soon and even sooner is breakfast and plans are being made while you eat. and i realize that food was the precursor to every experience of my life. and now its gone, unhinged with my state of habitlessness. i am no longer drawn to eat to prepare to gorge as i make the plans for whatever comes next. the long trips punctuated by local diners or wonderful weekends highlighted by the dinner and lunches or the family get togethers the insatiable signs that say EAT along the road of life. and now i see signs of beautiful children chewing and big writing that says Eating is GOOD! and i shudder at the yoke of depravity that invented these eating machines. for it is not sustenance we seek but the solace of youth where eating was the moment of communion with those we loved, those too busy or too tired or just uninterested, and even now i understand why we eat as we do, for here in the west the eating becomes the love the feeling of fullness the ritual of togetherness and points to a happier life or returns to the moment when nothing else mattered because only the food made the pain stop.
and i am gone, to sims, as i planned to spend the day in her hideaway, and the long drive is made short by going slowly and staying only in the moment of the experience. and every sight is beautiful and reminds me of what is wonderful about forgetting the reasons and just doing, going without caring if i am ready or tired or will be tired or whatever the reasons just do what you know is the expansion for the soul waiting for no one sailing in the chair of power and treating it with the respect that is needed to feel your true nature rise to the moment. and in that moment you arrive, to your life your destiny and your destination without any sense of time or passage.
and i am home in her arms, this old body made young at heart by my recent transformative experiences and lighter by far. We are enchanted with each others company as if we are new. tea and gurdas are served and we share our amazing experiences and the love that comes from lifetimes of sharing, for this is not just our last 10 years but tens of lives in solitude and together alight upon the paths to freedom and now we sit at the very doorway and we discuss the signs and read the one book that states everything we are experiencing perfectly and we realize we are only on chapter 11 and there are 15 more to go, and then there is the advanced course. and the majesty of the awareness that could so perfectly describe and predict each nuance of every level of attainment is staggering and humbling, for truly he has made the journey beyond and returned bringing the source with him to the planet and crazy as it may seem he is the source itself, and we the receivers of the force when we touch the void of his awareness.
and her eyes glow with the realization of the holiest of saints the far away stare of those enraptured and seeking the experience that has changed everything and the signs and visions that are still carried as the very stigmata of light upon her soul. such divine beauty i have seen only in the saints in true transit to the ecstatic union with their undying love for their guru's divinity. and i feel the pull to whatever she is turning and the force begins to flow through us the sat the void of which all existence is a reflection, descends and i am truly transported and for a time we sit in silent meditation at the table my chakras thrumming with the downward pressure as my very cells are examined, expanded and restored to divine link. i wait for merger but it passes and we share some fully expanded time touching raw souls and love where our natures are released from their fleshy forms and extend through the many dimensions that we are connected through, and i leave my faithful beast in the hands of the magician of machines for he needs a new chariot to ride and sims will have the vehicle that is still hers that she bought new 17 years before and runs like her third hand so they can now both be mobile at the same time, and i start up the lovely van the 27 year old underpowered Westphalia that has been my companion and constant nemesis until i finally just accepted it that this is the condition of living to be constantly breaking and mending without care and truly i am one with it. and she is the perfect mobile home for me, smooth running automatic, slow lane and never once passing anyone all the way home.
i enter and my daughter and her boyfriend are going to the movies and she says you did what with your car? how will you get to work. and i say greg will help. they are funny and gone and the house is rarely this quiet clean and empty. i go to check my connections on the internet and all are quiet. my wife comes home and she is full of rajas. we get the mattress from the van, returned for sims has gotten a new one, and put it in my meditation room as its a wonderful one compared to old cheapie i have been sleeping on. and the sheets are changed and pillows and finally we are set. I think i should eat but i have no hunger,
i look everywhere and nothing is inviting to me. i feel the emptiness of my stomach but i do not wish to fill it. i settle on the soy vegetable powder mix and have a glass and feel suddenly full and for hours feel this rush of energy as all the nutrients and vitamins are swiftly processed without solids to breakdown. I resolve to have only smoothies from now until something else seems better.
i go to meditate, but something in the fast metabolism and the rushing energy of the days travel sets me apart from the force, I sit in silence for an hour and decide to go to the jacuzzi for the one thing the van needs is a new cushion for the back and seat for the driver. the very springs have left a pattern on my back. i rest in the hot waters and soak out the muscles the night sky seeming set for a summer of stars, though i know the june gloom and even grey may are coming, tonight is as perfect as the weather can be, not cool not warm not cloudy not windy just san diego pleasant, an almost nonexistent climate, a blessing for the aging a playground for the young.

i return to my writing the myriad of high communications i shared today are becoming a signal in my consciousness one that is hard to out into words though i struggle with the thought, that going beyond experience is the next evolution, but just as going beyond mind seemed insurmountable at one point now its seems so natural to not be filled with random and vital thoughts and exist in the plane of the psychic, and just so there must be a way to evolve beyond the experience, the touching of the great souls nature with all that is for the being is even beyond that and so much closer to the void of awareness.
and in that void i become nothing and there ends this play of consciousness and an new something that which is the soul absorbent nature of the unknowable and into that will I become other than what is.

the words cannot come as perfectly as the descriptions from my heart for this is the other and not the same as any that can be described so i leave it for what i did say and forget trying. I return to the room of my ascension, with its new mattress pillow and sheets and sit, in the dark, one candle lit and feel, nothing, nothing at all, until i decide i don’t exist and the bed is my coffin for the rest of my night.

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