light conversations

light: awareness is expanding but i am stuck in material
welcome to my world
light: today HE said..."where are you from? you have no managerial qualities...how can you manage anything...did you even go to school"...................... hehehehehe
light: tom... it is not easy to be on Bhakti path
light: but i have no choice
light: each cell is LOVE
light: what to do?
light: i can't run away from myself
not with HIM
he is not on the bahkti path
light: how HE is...well ...
it is easy for him to just say what he experiences in the moment
light: HE revealed the other day to me that HE is also still transforming...HE has realized individual Love but not UNIVERSAL LOVE...and i knew this...
light: yessssssssssss and its hard to swallow for me...... i get all choked up
it is not for swallowing, it is a fact that he experiences
light: in universal love you can't yell at anyone
light: you can't say anything to anyone
you can see it otherwise
light: i know
light: HE experiences what
light: tom...i really need you
i am here and loving you
light: and him... i am choked up about him too... he says he might leave any day and bla bla bla
light: i need you here
light: its VERY hard
light: for me
well he has no need to tansform
light: REALLY hard for me
it does not have to be done in this moment
light: what is that
take some time
he is trying to crack you
light: to transform me?
to expose the nature that clings to beliefs
light: to make me more expanded...i guess
that is upset at change and hardship and even at pleasure
that has expectations and hope
he is scouring you
exposing your limits
light: sometimes i can make sense of allllllll......and other days, i feel so lost, so lost, nobody to share what i feel, who i am...so lost
you are not changed
your essence is pure
that which loves and is love never stops
as soon as you take a break it will be there
or as soon as you break
you are a porcelin doll
he is a bull in a china shop
are you ready to give it all up?
he is testing that resolve
to be the one in his vision is to be under the microscope
i want you to be free from it all
but what does free mean to you
free to love or free of love
have you gone so soon?
light: somehow
light: all is hidden
where did you go?
light: the nature
light: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......i am typing and typing
light: did you not get my messages???
no
did you get mine

light: nope
he is scouring you exposing your limits
light: i feel it is so necessary to have someone
light: HE sure is
light: i know
light: i know that fully
light: i just want it over and done with
light: crack me
light: where are you
light: i hope it comes to an end... a little
light: HE says that HE wants to show how I do work...but i fail...it is so much work...then HE says how is the president doing it all??
light: i don't know Tom
light: this transformation...since i have come back from US is intense
light: sooooooooo intense, it is surely making me crack
light: nature is so thick
light: yet it makes me cry
light: i can feel and touch it
light: yet i feel so far away from it
light: i feel constant pain
light: deep in my heart
light: somewhere
light: sometimes i can make sense of allllllll......and other days, i feel so lost, so lost, nobody to share what i feel, who i am...so lost
you are not changed
your essence is pure
that which loves and is love never stops
as soon as you take a break it will be there
or as soon as you break
you are a porcelin doll
he is a bull in a china shop
are you ready to give it all up?
he is testing that resolve
to be the one in his vision is to be under the microscope
i want you to be free from it all
but what does free mean to you
free to love or free of love
have you gone so soon?
light: somewhere
light: somehow
light: all is hidden
where did you go?
light: the nature
it is the path of the student the seeker to be in the path of the guru
light: i am not a student
yet you are being schooled
light: yes
it is his wish that you be more than a lover
light: give up what
yet what is that to you
light: ???? really?
light: free from what Tom????
light: help me
light: see it
the need to be involved
the world wants and we give
light: soory
light: what did you write
light: Tom: the need to be involved
light: HE wants me to be involved in work...is that what you are saying?
light: manifest, manifest, manifest
light: ????
light: soory
light: what did you write
that being involved and doing is not the path
it is the trap
being perfect is illusion
light: ok..i am sorry but i am not understanding what you are saying...please tell me... i think you have a great message for me
transformation is all
light: so what do i do
light: but there is perfection in doing...no??? nature is perfect....no?
look to the heart and say what is real for you and know you are perfect in that
light: ok
there is no other only one great soul
yours
your heart is never wrong it has the universe inside
light: you are a porcelin doll
he is a bull in a china shop
are you ready to give it all up?
he is testing that resolve
to be the one in his vision is to be under the microscope
i want you to be free from it all
but what does free mean to you
free to love or free of love ..................... WHAT DOES ALL THIS MEAN TOM...I HAVE A MESSAGE IN IT BUT I AM NOT ABLE TO SEE IT
light: please send what you were just typing
when we were here you held the love of every molecule of the universe in you
there is no greater perfection
the doing and the teaching and the managing are tests to use that in your daily path
light: what am i doing wrong now??
light: yes
light: i know that
the love gets buried in the minutia of work
light: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
light: why
it has its own weight
light: i can't write, i have no time...so love is buried
you must never lose the real reason you are doing this
light: which is
light: to manifest love?
its not for HIM or for them
light: i don't know my real reason
light: i am simply being myself...or i want to be and it is soooooooo hard in every way
what is his path that attracts you so
light: day by day, it is harder...day by day...there are more and more challenges...more and more
what is the reason you are there
you are not a student
you are not a seeker
you are a lover
light: yes
in that love is perfection
his path is to take away all ego in the doing and replace it with only that love
light: and then why does HE want me to be "more" than a lover.... you said this earlier
lover is doing
light: yes...there it is...
love is
light: yes
light: and i want to be just that
it is simply bringing that wherever you feel else
light: i feel to be everywhere yet no where and in the middle of it i get yelled at
the pain and struggle are with yourself truly
light: what a lover HE is
light: of mine
light: will they EVER go away????
yes
light: the struggle the pain
light: WHEN
light: what do i have to do?
when you surrender your attachments
light: what am i clinging onto
light: to make things PERFECT?????
success doing good making yourself happy limits
hurting
light: success??? really? is that hidden in me????
we all want to feel many things without knowing why
to be a success at what you are doing
and the doing is where the attachments are
light: YES YES....keep talking
let perfectly go with only love and all is done without you
light: i think we are getting to the bottom of my pain
we hold and we lose
light: yes
we gain and we fall
light: so what to do
grasp and slip
float
light: my eyes are full of tears
light: thank you
light: tom...i forget that...why?????
in the love but it has to come without attachments
light: does HE do this on purpose to me?
because of the identification with the doing
yes
light: YES.......YES YES YES YES YES
light: I am attached to PERFECTIOn
light: YES
light: I GOT IT
light: I GOT IT TOM
light: I GOT IT
light: I AM ATTACHED TO PERFETION
light: THAT IS WHERE I AM FAILING
you have always been perfect
just not always attached
light: MAYBE I AM NOW...
light: MAYBE THAT IS MY PROBLEM
light: REALLY THE PAIN HAS TO GO
it is when there is some goal, reward, reason that you desire
light: yes
all that is false
light: and HE puts that pressure on me
light: and i fall for it everytime
it will leave you empty
if i was to try to create a perfect family iwould not now have one
light: i got it
you cannot create what already is
light: i expanded with this talk
light: something is getting released right now
yes i feel your beating heart
light: from each cell of my body
i touch your sweet self
light: then why HE yells???
he is seeing you
being attached
and he wants to scour that
light: to make me not attached???
no to make you more attached
light: why doesn't HE simply tell me??? like you......i would do it in instance
until YOU see
it has to be automatic
light: hmmmm ?????
a reflex not a choice
always from love never from desire
it will take some cracking
light: i got it
light: and let all go to hell.... :)
light: i should be ME
light: forever and ever
light: you always put me back in ME
take your beatings with a smile
light: you are the only only onlyyyyy one
i would somehow be there but there would be more attachment
light: hahahahaha
light: HE tests me every moment
light: i see it
in every love there is turmoil
until only love remains
light: :) :) :) i am so HAPPY you came online
me 2:):)
light: i am sure HE can feel me right now
my eyes are smiling
light: i have been struggling and this morning when i came to work, i was hoping that you wrote back to me... :( i was sad not to see your reply...
I needed to talk to you
to feel your heart and its great weight
light: OH TOM...i think that is why HE says such mean things... "you never went to school"..you are so imperfect...you want to control...
i will write more now for you make me love more
yes
light: and i think because of attachment to result, i feel pain
cracking the attachments
to those successes
light: hehehe
light: DONE
light: DONE
light: DONE
light: DONE
light: what is next
light: i feel so light and happy
you and love
forever one
it will be manifested
in all
light: i think once all this disappears....universal will come....HE said to me "it is not here because the earth consciousness is not ready"..... does that mean "me"?????
nothing to be done
there is great turmoil and you reflect that
light: taht is what i feel many many many times....
light: i feel the turmoil of the whole earth is condensed in my life
light: courtcase in india
light: friends change
light: house in USA
light: money problems
light: everything...i feel so cornered
all that you are attached to are under seige
light: hehehehe
light: yes
light: :)
light: you are sooooooooooooooo BEAUTIFUL
love never misses its mark
light: we should talk everyday...... there is another attachment ;)
always
we perfected that
light: yes
we will never leave rivers end
light: and tom... you are SOOOOOOO right...i am so open about this now.... you truly expanded me
you do the work
light: why can't HE just tell me all these things....I will do everything in ONE day :)
leave your troubles to others stay committed to love
you are ready
light: why doesn't HE tell me like you do????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
not his path to direct you must come to your own awareness
light: HE is directing everybody else
light: why not me???? i will transform in one moment
they are veiled deeply
light: i never NOT want to transform'
light: you know me better than my own self
you cannot be directed for the same reason you cannot make love
love does not come from doing
you do not come from directions
only from pain
those are your path markers
always the signal in your body
light: Tom: you do not come from directions
light: you are SOOOOOOOOOOO precious
if he were to tell you the answer you would not have it
light: are my answers different from HIM
light: ????
i only walk you through your own thoughts and feelings
light: OH TOM...you think HE directed me "wrong" in renting the house...
light: is this my lesson???????/ that i need to make my own decisions???
there are no answers
light: what is UNIVERSE teaching meeeeeeeeeee
your choices can only come from love all else is the doer
light: DONE
light: DONE
light: what a great change right before the new year
light: :)
light: thank you
attachments think they create what happens
light: yes
i love you
light: ditto
light: HE TRICKED ME AND TRICKED ME FOREVER UNTIL I CAUGHT HIM FROM BEHIND
that is the secret
light: do you remember when i wrote it???
light: in Chili's...drinking at Thousand Oaks
light: at the bar
yes
we had nachos and then realized they had meat
light: hahahahaha
light: :)
light: yes
light: wow
light: you remember
everything remains perfect
there was no doing
love reigned supreme
light: :)
light: HE says that often to me
light: i laugh
i will leave you with my love and your sweet self
for there is none fairer by far
light: my heart sits dry as i have been struggling for a whole month and forever wondering "where am I"
it is a vast wasteland without love
light: each moment separated me from me
light: and been living in wasteland
it is important to know the difference
light: how could i forget
light: who i am?
light: otherwise all is a broken puzzle
that is unimportant
light: like i said in my email
light: this moment
light: moment of Love
light: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how i have been struggling
once you experience timeless eternity, all is forgotten
light: where have you been?
waiting for you
light: i actually "hate" being here on earth tom...
yes
light: sometimes i am simply fed up
it is the struggle
light: the ground is so thick
light: its so hard to swim
the physical ,manifestation of love
light: everything is twisted in moments
light: the more and more it is becoming so tranparent for me to know what is around me
can be not what we think it is
light: i can sit here and feel and experience NY
in that sheltered moment we slept and dreamed forever
light: i only dream for love, of love......but it leaves me far away from it
light: that is my pain
light: i forever yearn to be in "HIS" arms
light: i do tom
light: and i twist and turn in my own arms and tears
light: it is not easy
follow the pain that is the path to realizing attachment
where did the love go
light: attached to be in "HIS" arms?
light: yes
light: yes
light: yes
but you are
there is no need for the attachment
you think you are somehow making that happen
light: making what happen
being in his arms
light: must be a human thing
yes forever holding
without arms
light: yes
light: i know that and feel that
of course you are perfect and the universe is in you
light: i felt such intensity of "HIS" arms around me...it was simply unreal
it is strong
light: i should simply go in silence
the soul of love is being one
light: i want to...... so badly
be sweet
light: just go within
light: hehehe
i am there waiting
love to you, I will be here tomorrow
light: i am really so loving since i got back from US
light: i feel Love for everyone
light: but people say that i am so fake
light: are you there?
yes
light: what you doinnnnnnnnnn???
getting to work sweets
i am making money for the family
light: :(
:)
light: you have to go?
i am here but i need to set up my other computer and log in
theres no room on this desk
light: i had one more question....
light: oh ok
ask oh divine one
light: hehehe
light: HE has been saying many things about many situations where i feel "i would never say that"....why?
what he says is unimportant, your reaction is
light: it everything for me only? i mean for my transformation?
light: yesssssssssss
yes
light: that is what i thought
light: but i know HE is fully aware of what HE is saying or doing
all is to reveal your attachments to your experiences
light: so that reaction should not be there? no matter what HE says?
no it should be in the moment just as his are not from a reaction
your feelings show attachments, that you would not say...
because you would cause pain or grief or ...
that is attachment to the doing the action
be the perfect mirror filled with love
light: YES
light: you are my aspiration for that
you mean so much to everyone, they all react
they want to love but it is lost in their attachments